I'm sooo depressed. I almost hate when everything is going good because it's inevitable all that was going good will soon turn to ****!!!!! I feel like if I died tonight my life has not made one bit of difference :(
bellaboo68 bellaboo68
36-40, F
2 Responses Aug 21, 2014

dear it is hard sometimes when you know all you love dies or goes away ,,,and loved ones always lets you down ,,and pain is all that is constant ,,but I find peace in my faith it is all not going to be for nothing ,,I have been blessed with great kids so I draw strength from them and God for giving them to me ,,,in a world where everything I have touched backfired in my face ,it is such comfort to look at them and know at least 4 times I did something right ,,,hope and pray you find something that brings you peace too ,because I am sure the world will be a little colder with out you ,,,,it seems satan works overtime to try and kill the good ones so you must be one too ,,hold in there ,,I am sure you have a blessing coming ,,,it don't rain on the just all the time and even the wicked have to put up with rain sometimes too,,so be blessed in the lord and the power of His might ,when we are weak He is strong ,,,so call on him for help ,,,and myself and the angels will pray soon you too find your silver lining and a day in the sunshine ,,

angels do me a personal favor ,,pray for bellaboo68 ,,,,I know the list is long ,,but this one is in need of a touch ,,,as you do unto the least of these you do unto me also ,,So Christ said it is for Him too so please help me pray and ill thank you now because I know you all are the best and I am thankful I am part of a family I can count on ,,,all my love to all of you Rick

Thank you. I do pretty good. I try always to think about what I have not what I don't have. I had a good melt down the other day so now I'm back. My daughters father got so depressed that he shot himself. I had a hard time with it. I just don't understand to this day how he could do that to his daughter. We walked in right after it happened so she saw it. I got help for her but never for me. I've been through a lot in my life and never got help for any of it. I just kind of let life get out of hand. I've never really been a religious person. I don't like organized religion. I was in a very dark place. Do you know what I mean when I say "I felt like I was down in a tunnel and just couldn't see any light. I couldn't find my way out. So I prayed for help to let me find my way out and thank god within A couple of days things started getting better. Sometimes I still get depressed but thanks to my "higher power", I'm a hell of a lot stronger. I guess that sounds kind of cheesy but, I have a feeling you get what I'm saying.

I know the feeling I even go so far as to sabatage my happiness, I don't like it but I do it anyhow

I do that. It's hard to be happy when you constantly expect the worst. I'm watching the movie Frances. It's about Frances Farmer, an actress in the 40's and 50's. Talk about a reason to be depressed.

Sounds like we are on the same page when it comes to depression, I got mine from war in the army they call it PTSD

I knew someone that had that. She got it from severe abuse from the people (if you can call them that) she grew up with. The doctor put her on medication to help. But it made her emotionless. Do you take anything to help? When I'm depressed it's really hard to get out of it. I hate feeling that way.

I have a meeting once a week with other vets, and we work on triggers , grounding , and just understanding and trusting each other. I have a prescription for lorazepam to use for anxiety. But all in all just talking to someone that understands seems to help the most

It's amazing how just talking to someone who understands can make you feel better. The girl I was telling you about has tried to kill herself before. I find suicide to be an extremely selfish thing to do. I left my house one night with my kid and her 2 friends to go get me some smokes and 30 minutes later I get back and my daughters father had shot himself in the head in our bed. It was devastating. I'm not going to say it took awhile to get over it. It has taken awhile to get passed it. I never went to counseling. I chose to self medicate. I don't have to tell you how that turned out. :(

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