I just don't know what to do
I am male turned 40, I went out when I was in my 20s but I was shy and could never talk to the opposite sex.
When I was 30 I was still a virgin, I still lived with my mother, I than started thinking I was gay I had gays in my head from 1998-2006 , 1998 George Michael
1999 Steve gately 2000 dale winton
2001 I got my first girlfriend but I couldn't have sex properly and I had gays in my head 2001 big brother Brian cliff Elton john
Reg Kray Michael Barrymore .we were with
Each other for 5 months and we had sex problems
2002 I am 32 back to my celibacy technically I am still a virgin I have gay problems in my head that year will young big brother and fashanu come out as gay.
2003 I am 33 still a virgin I have gay confusion in my head that year big brother and Ron Davis say they are gay I am celibate I am a bit of a loser by now I never go out I am stuck in a dead end job I still live with my mother and her partner . I start looking at mens foreskins on nifty.org as I am uncut and interested
2004 I am 34 celibate my brother who is 8 years younger has left home and become a father my mother is worried about me
That year Elton john and Gay Spencer announce their gayness.i am depressed confused and I start having seizures....
Is it all the rubbish in my head that cause it
2005 I am 35 little Britain Elton john and George Michael announce their gayness
My seizures are now once a week, without warning, I lose consciousness , if I standing I will fall causing serious injury
I see my neurologist who starts giving me epilepsy tablets but the seizures remain.
July that year I start working with a girl we get on start dating and we go out 6 months but again I have problems in the sex department sometimes I can't get hard and I can never ********* so technically I am still a virgin we break up
2006 I am celibate little Britain has a gay wedding that year my seizures are more frequent I am trying so many different epilepsy tablets but the seizures remain
I have an MRI brain scan but they can't find what's wrong with me they think it might be anxiety and depression so I start taking citalopram for depression but my low moods remain
2007 I am celibate technically a virgin I still live with my mother I am stuck in a dead end job where I never meet females? I am now 37 life is passing me by , most of the few friends I have have now found women
My heads a mess I have seizures I am depressed I never go out I have no friends
My mum tells me I need to do something with my life I need to find a partner I need to leave home she is worried about me
I average 4-5 seizures a month I took so many different anti epileptic drugs but my seizures remain
2008 I am celibate I suffer from depression I have grand mal seizures I have a breakdown and am hospitalized for 6 months my confused head is in a mess.
2009 I am 39 lonely depressed confused sexually maybe I am Bi
But I like looking at women I'm sure I want girls sexually but some men do look quite nice but I never been with a guy just 2 girls who I couldn't perform
I have no friends I live with my mother I am a loser my brother has been with his own partner now for 8 years and their son is 5
I am celibate my seizures mean I can't drive I have had so many different drugs but my seizures remain I don't feel them coming on and after them I am in a dazed confused mess can depression and anxiety cause my seizures is it because I have done nothing with my life? If it is epilepsy by now I have tried 20 different anti epileptic drugs but the seizures remain
Now I am 40 stuck in a dead end job I work in a betting shop I never meet women and I have no friends to go out with they have all met partners I am a loner
Who still lives with his mother no wonder I depressed I suppose but the anti depressants I take can not make me better
I am celibate and technically a virgin
My seizures remain I have thought of suicide I just want a nice girlfriend I hate this life please help me and many thanks for your patience in reading my sad life I love you all Gerry xx
defoekeane defoekeane
36-40, M
Aug 20, 2014