Future Go Away!!!

Lately i realize im getting older and that my thoughts of keeping my family together is no longer possible.That alone hurts a lot.I'm desperately afraid of being alone and theres no stopping it at one point and time i will end up alone.My parents will die taking away the rock i stayed strong upon.I cant survive on my own.I am in a way emotionally unstable.And once my parents are gone theyll institutionalize me or force me to go to a group home.I cant go to either of those places.Its unbelievablly scary and its already starting.My older sister is leaving off to college and even she says she wont see her family again.Ive fought for so many years as a child to adolescents to now.To win my older sisters affection.Shes never hugged me or said she loved me but i still fight for her affection.I mean we get along but its when other people are around and its never directly.I cant live knowing that all ive done is for nothing.Im not like most people ive had to be strong for people but no ones been strong for me.Sure my family is borderline dysfuctional but i love them and there still my family.Im hurting because its so hard thinking about the future without them in it
deleted deleted
26-30
Nov 26, 2012