My Knight Behind Shining Bars

January 3rd, 2012 is a date that I will never forget. Not because something spectacular and grand happened, but it was the day that I received a friend request on Facebook by a long lost friend.

In high school, I was part of the popular group. As an all star athlete and an honor student, the boys were always following me around like love sick puppies. I never paid them much attention, though. I spent my high school years playing basketball competitively, and all the boys would come to my games to cheer me on, including a quiet but good-spirited young man named Joan (pronounced Joe-Ahn). I could tell he was sweet for me, but he never once tried to pursue me. I think he was too shy. But nearly 8 years later, I see his handsome face in my inbox on Facebook. We exchanged small talk, caught up a bit. He was not that shy boy any more. He was a grown man. I didn't immediately visit his page and sift through his pictures. To be honest, I wasn't very impressed with our conversation. His slang was juvenile. I felt like he was trying to be a man that he thought I'd be attracted to. He was very wrong. He gave me his number and asked my to text him. I didn't. After a few days of him still messaging me via Facebook, I figured I'd just text instead of having to keep logging in. Next thing I knew, we were texting constantly through each day. Weeks went by. His personality was beginning to shine through the bad boy exterior. His 'da's became 'the's and I was pleasantly surprised to find an intelligent, insightful, artistic, passionate, and honest man underneath. I finally decided to look at his Facebook pictures. And that's when I discovered that the man who was slowly stealing my heart had been incarcerated for the last 6 years, and was currently in Solano State Prison in Vacaville, California. 

My first reaction was confusion. How could this be? He has a cell phone. He has a Facebook profile. We talk on the phone. We text. I couldn't believe it, it had to have been a mistake. But after confronting Joan about it, he told me all about his story. And though it is not legal for him to have a cell phone in prison, he found a way (which I've learned many people have secret cell phones in prison). 

I've never been a judgmental person, but I was struggling with this situation. I'm an educated, beautiful, successful woman. What on earth am I doing allowing a convicted felon to pursue me, and actually giving him a chance? I thought about how this was a reflection of my self esteem, or self worth. But I don't suffer from poor self esteem. I love myself and I know that I'm a deserving woman. My mind flooded with questions: Why is this happening to me? Should I stop this immediately? Do I give him a chance? Could he be trying to pull a scam on me? I decided to at least offer my friendship to him, and he accepted. He told me he simply wants me in his life, regardless the nature of our relationship. Months started going by, we were growing closer. We exchanged stories, laughs, cries. The questions that were previously in my mind changed direction. Am I wrong to deny this man love because of a mistake he made in the past? Who am I to believe he is not deserving of love because he is in prison? How would I tell my family that I'm dating a felon? What would our life be like once he is released?

I have an entire file cabinet of countless letters he has written me, as I'm sure he has the same. I believe he has written me a letter for every day of 2012 starting from January 21st. When we fell in love, we fell hard. And now those questions of prison turned into how are WE going to make it through this? 

Well, as if prison bars were not enough, upon his release we learned he would be held by Immigration and will face deportation. And today is his last court date. He will see the judge that decides his fate. If he is able to stay in the US, I will probably pass out from relief. I've kept my head screwed on pretty tight through this journey, and now I'm feeling an overwhelming amount of emotions.

In just a few hours, I will be receiving a phone call that will change the rest of my life.  
ColombianaQueen ColombianaQueen
26-30, F
1 Response Jan 16, 2013

damn thats hard the best way is to marry him right away so he wont be deported and stay together unless you think its not good to be with him for the rest of your life and be his wife?

Unfortunately marriage doesn't solve this that easily, or else I would have months ago!