I'm Not Sure If It's Good Enough Though....
For most people I don't think it is. There is so much inside me that wants to come out again, but everytime I try, someone tries to "change" it a little to make it "better". So I stopped showing bits of me. I just don't seem to be good enough, I always have to be "better".
I guess I'm getting tired of trying now. I mean if I can't even be "me" in peace, how am I suppose to ever be "better"? It doesn't make sense to me, but then I'm a bit "slow". I don't catch on to things very well & I tend to forget stuff that I should remember. It just doesn't feel like it's worth the effort anymore..... Especially if it's never good enough for the rest of the world.
I mean, I tried for years. I tried to "better myself". I did things the way others wanted them done because it was just the way they wanted it. I don't like to fight, so I'd give in & do it "their" way. I mean it wasn't that big a deal, at first.... But somewhere along the way, "I" became obsolete. I no longer mattered to "me". It was what "society" wanted, or my "family" wanted. I almost ceased to exist as my own person. Now, I realize it but find that I'm repeating old patterns because it just seems like such an useless struggle. Why should I be a lesser "me" if it's only going to make everyone else think less of me or feel that I'm not a good enough? If I'm "me" but I still end up alone, what good is that going to do me? I wasn't made to be alone....... Call me weak, I really don't care, that's the true "ME" & I don't want to have to apologize for it anymore.