I have been seeking who I am for the last few years, like a lot of people. At first I thought I was too different from everybody else. Then as someone pointed out, how many people are on here saying they are so unique & special. Does that not mean none of us are so different?
I thought I couldn't talk to people, but that wasn't true either, I just had to take the first risk & it followed on from there. I thought I was not deserving of friends, but then I realized I am often choosing to be alone to centre myself & creativity needs time & space. I could go out & take an emotional risk any time I am ready, but it's me who is holding back, I can't blame anyone or anything else. Besides, I love my alone time with my little art & poetry books. It makes me feel alive, who could regret that? I am starting to be braver about going up & talking to people & I think that's a great step in the right direction. I don't know why I'm in such a hurry anyway, why I think it matters so much if I take some time I need alone, before I leap out there & put myself out there.
I guess I have discovered that we all seem to have a very distorted self perception. Like many others, mine has been very hard on myself. Much tougher than I would ever be on any other person. I choose the way I see myself in this life. I am capable of many things, if only I can dream it. I am no better or worse than any other person, even though we all have our unique characteristics. There are a lot of people who like me when I share of myself, & the more true to myself I am, the more I attract those likeminded people & those who dislike me quickly lose interest in me & leave.
Life is pretty up & down, I am pretty happy with the progress I have made thus far & I am looking forward to finding out what the future has to offer. I am rediscovering the hope & self acceptance that I thought had been lost a long time ago. I think I can be proud of that, & eager to explore what else life has to teach me.....