A Drop of Hope I Am Bound to the One I Love

 

Not sure where to start, it's been over a year now. All I want is my wife or maybe to feel her arms around me, hear her breathing next to me while she sleeps, see her beautiful face, feel her heart beat threw my hand as we sleep next to each other with my arm around her.

She is the love of my life, but were not living together anymore and I hang on every day for my son and the hope that one day we will be together again.

Too many things have happened everyone says, things that were said that can not be taken back, but I was dam apparent to her to tell her that I never wanted separation, but all that seem to do was make it worse.

I have racked my brains every night and day for over a year trying to solve what seems to be the impossible problem. I know where I went wrong, read books, went to therapy for over a year tried what I could but listening I should have just done what she asked instead of trying to fix it. I as so scared of loosing the one person that loved me as much as I loved her I instead tried fixing us in any way.

Now she tells me I'm a jerk and that the man she married would have never have done this to her. Killing me over and over again I hear this. I don't understand how she can possibly believe that I wanted us to be like this or wanted to be without her after me trying everything I could, dedicated every minute of my life since this happened.

I see all the times from that August to December where she told me she was pushed away. The times that could have been thought I was pushing her away. What about all the good times during that same time that I had made it a point to show her how much she meant to me, is all this overlooked. Bottom line is that she should not had to have felt that way ever, I should have made sure she knew without a doubt.

She told her Mom now that it seems like it may be the beginning of us being friends now. But I have not stopped waiting for her, trying to help her and showing her every bit of love I can and what she means to me. Has it all been for nothing, can I not save her. Every night I can picture her searching for me, trying to find me and I know she would not stop if the roles were reversed, I must do the same. She is worth it and I would wait forever for her if I have too. I wish I could just hold her, feel her breath in my arms, listen to her heart beat, or hold her hand again just sitting together. I miss looking into her eyes seeing the gaze back at me as we were one.

I love you Jenny Lee, where ever you are tonight, I love you .......always and forever.

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26-30
4 Responses Aug 7, 2007

a man who really trully knows how to love somebody in such an all consuming and unrestrained way, wow. I found your group because the title summed up how i felt but your words almost made me cry. i really really now hope you find what you need,and if you have told her even half of what you wrote here she'd have to be crazy not to be with you for ever. If a man had written that about me (when I was single) I'd have married him in a heartbeat.good luck, hope and faith are great companions.xxx

You have done a beautiful job of loving her. I admire your ability to make the best of this situation and your effort to make yourself a better person. I hope I can find someone as loving and persevering as you for my husband.

Thank you for sharing your story. I find the strength of your love for her inspiring. Good luck. Sometimes, against all odds, fortune does favour the brave and persistent, especially when they are willing to revise their methods and admit their failings. Maybe it is a lost cause, but for as long as you love her, you love her. :)

Don't give up; hold onto your love even if it isn't returned; it will grow in you-good luck, LITW