Miss My Home

My parents moved to Canada when I was 15 I am 44 now and have wished to go home since the day I came here.Not sure why they came here they both had good jobs , we had a big house and I went to private all girls school. We came here lived in a run down apt, my dad couldn't get a job I went to public school with boys and no one even knew I was from a different country, just threw me into school my grades fell where I was put into special ed I had a's in u.k. kids laughed at my clothes cause there was no uniform and my parents were saving for a house so we didn't get any new stuff. My world was turned upside down. I resent my parents for bringing me here it never made our lives any better . All my family in the uk go on vacations two or three times a year so not really sure why parents came here oh yes it was my mum . My dad has retired and is very lonely since hes not working he goes home once a year loves the transportation and all his family are in and out everyone lives close and the kettle is always on . Every weekend he said there is something going on.  I got married have 3 children and hoped that I would adjust. But it has never happened I cry a lot on my own I miss my whole culture even though Canada is great for some people I miss the English country side, the rainy days, the food, I could go on and on. I don't like the summer here  its too hot and winter is too cold. I feel like I have gone on a holiday and never been able to get back home. People get angry with me and say well just go back but I cant I would be putting my children though the same thing I went through. When I was twenty I went home for a holiday and decided I wanted to stay home but I had a  car to sell in Canada and a job so I felt obligated to sort that out first. My parents put me on a huge guilt trip of how could I leave them so I stayed in Canada and I have regretted that decision ever since. So I try and get through each year here and hoping to make it home once a year where I can bring back my things I like from home like spray deodorant they only have one kind here. England's food and decor don't get to Canada for three or four years. I find it quite behind I mean they have just started making round abouts and fancying up the malls with flowers or planters. I feel like I am shopping in a warehouse when I go to zellers or walmart. I feel I have wasted my life.
alwaysbritish1 alwaysbritish1
41-45
5 Responses May 8, 2012

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HI,<br />
I'm so sorry you feel that way - I totally understand, I feel the same way. I left Germany 17 years ago, moved to the US to study. I never planned to stay, but then got married, kids, etc. We always entertained the thought of moving to Germany and I finally got a great job there. Moved there with our two kids and had a great year. My husband was going to follow but then changed his mind, so we came back after a year. I have always missed home, but now I feel like I'm going crazy - I miss the people, the landscape, the seasons, the food, the sounds, my family, everything. I just want to pack up and leave, but I don't want to put the kids through another change and I know my husband is not going to go with me. But it makes me cry to think that I will end up spending the rest of my life here, growing old here, without ever moving back there. I go to visit every year, but I always feel like an outsider, a tourist, and it hurts like hell. <br />
I absolutely understand your feeling that you have wasted your life there - I feel the same way. Like I am missing out on the life I could have back home and I am just surviving here. But I don't want to drag the kids away from their dad and make them adjust to a new school again. I"m afraid I will not have the chance to live there again, since it will be hard to get a job there when the kids are out of the house.

HI,<br />
I'm so sorry you feel that way - I totally understand, I feel the same way. I left Germany 17 years ago, moved to the US to study. I never planned to stay, but then got married, kids, etc. We always entertained the thought of moving to Germany and I finally got a great job there. Moved there with our two kids and had a great year. My husband was going to follow but then changed his mind, so we came back after a year. I have always missed home, but now I feel like I'm going crazy - I miss the people, the landscape, the seasons, the food, the sounds, my family, everything. I just want to pack up and leave, but I don't want to put the kids through another change and I know my husband is not going to go with me. But it makes me cry to think that I will end up spending the rest of my life here, growing old here, without ever moving back there. I go to visit every year, but I always feel like an outsider, a tourist, and it hurts like hell. <br />
I absolutely understand your feeling that you have wasted your life there - I feel the same way. Like I am missing out on the life I could have back home and I am just surviving here. But I don't want to drag the kids away from their dad and make them adjust to a new school again. I"m afraid I will not have the chance to live there again, since it will be hard to get a job there when the kids are out of the house.

Thank you so much for replying. I actually feel comforted that someone finally understands. I keep how I feel inside because I know my husband is sick of hearing it I probably sound like a broken record. I feel for you and am here if you ever need to talk. Some days are better than others for me. Take care talk soon Karan

Hi Karan,
Wow, yes! I hear you! I can not mention that topic around my husband anymore, because he will not listen to it anymore. When we came back, he actually told me that he is not sure if he wants to keep this relationship going any more, because he thinks my desire to be in Germany is stronger than my desire to be with him. And I think he might be right. He is treating me like an intruder since we got back and I am seriously considering going back - back home. We have only been back for a little over a week and right now, I am just functioning, getting the kids where they need to be, going to work PT and all that, not allowing myself to think. But having a relationship that is not working doesn't help, so why stay?
Wishing you more good days than bad. Visit home. I hope your relationship is working, that way at least you know you have a home in the relationship. Talk to you soon!

Thanks for your kind words. I do go home every year and love the way the town has changed.I love ladies day and seeing my friends from school who all keep in touch live close to each other and invite everyone out wherever they go liverpoool, leeds, london. I like the fact they go out as couples too and everyone knows everyone . that doesnt happen here in canada there is no where to go for older people like myself in your forties all bars are for the young ones, people say they will call you they never do. I just find people keep to themselves over here. Family are much closer over there and I miss my sunday dinners canadians are like whats that. I like being where people know what a yorkshire is and a packet of crisps. I hate to sound like Canada is a bad place its not I would never have chose to immigrate I just like my traditional roots.

The UK as a whole has changed so much in the last 20/30 years you would not recognise the place you called home. Sorry to hear it has been such a burden on you . <br />
I have been to Canada a couple of times in the last ten years and loved it but admit I enjoy coming home more.<br />
Maybe sometime you will get what you miss,don't leave it too long or it may never happen.