I Have Had a Death Wish For Most of My Life,

In fact I can't really remember a time when I didn't have it. Cuddled it like one would a kitten

 In ranges from drinking  obscene amounts of booze,to shooting so much cocaine in one shot, shutting up in a hotel room with an 8 ball and new bag of syringes. 

Putting myself in dangerous situations..........

 Pills & booze.............................

Driving reckless down a lone dark highway...............

 40 years of one way or the other....................

 Just not my time.

 There are days, even months when  I don't  want to die,  but it always returns.  

I have given up all those ways of tempting death because I can't hurt Jim any more than I have, but  *sighs*   One day, I wish I could just lay down to sleep,pray the Lord my soul to keep and never wake up again.

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7 Responses Sep 20, 2009

Not a kitten...a puppy! i don't like cats! I have always wanted to die!

Does life get any better after 30+?

U must be Australian

I'm sorry my friend, but please turn that urge into something powerful. Earn your death. Die while doing the right thing, and have a smile as you fall.

We have the same situation, where in my world, every people is starting to get theirself hurt because of me. I am full of negative vibes right now...and what you wish for is also the same as mine....

I understand you. My birthday is on September 20, 1969. Did I write this ?<br />
It's always there, somebody I can depend on. Nobody in my life, hopes won't be filled. Smile's gone as well.<br />
not part of this life anymore, rejection although I am a very caring person. death please come tonite. Invited him the last few weekends but don't seem to be able to make the final step. wake up, thinking about the night before. feel strange.<br />
I think people who feel this way need to make a decision, including me. It's not worth it, only hopes left

(((((Hugs)))))<br />
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When it's time ... it will be soon enough. One foot in front of the other. Smile and pray (like you did above). To each of us our time will come. Live life fully and you will not fear death. Smile at it as when it come we will finally be going home.<br />
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I shall not die of a cold. I shall die of having lived. ~ Willa Cather<br />
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Death is a debt we all must pay. ~ Euripides<br />
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The really frightening thing about middle age is the knowledge that you'll grow out of it. ~ Doris Day