But I Think I Found Another One Of Mine Recently ;)

Ok, I've got to write this down because change is brewing around here. I met this guy a month ago. And he is yummy. Yum. With a capital Y. Everyday my crush on him is growing. If this is the peak of the mountain, I want a moment to savor the delicious lust, infatuation, you know...

I said I did not want these feelings. But it was a lie. I still do not want the relationship that comes with them... but God! It feels nice to be hopeful and dreamy for a bit. ;)

I write earnestly before this fades away into nothingness. A nice memory of what could have been. I am jaded. I am realistic. I have seen my share of heartbreak. And usually I am the ***** pushing people away from me. I almost want to stop talking to him now so that I don't have to live the painfully slow bleed of desire.

That said, I have never ever encountered someone who like me, thinks too much, shares too much, and all around needs hugs to survive. Maybe this guy is co-dependent too. He is not desperate about it. But he is extremely quick to tell me that he needs a hug. One time it was because another girl rejected him. I told him I was jealous and then I went to him.

He says he doesn't enjoy meaningless sex. And he really doesn't have much experience with it. Never married because he can't commit. People want to marry for the wrong reasons. But over lunch he told me that he used to make fun of a friend that had princess dreams, he was desperate to put a ring on some girl's finger. And now he is sad because he is the one with the princess dreams???

Poor guy. He is soooooo hot. I really just want to **** him again and again. But he is making a real effort at getting to know each other. I am not having to pry for information, he shares openly about himself, good and bad. I do the same, because of course he has my attention. Hottie! And younger than me, active, healthy, same job for a long time, involved father to a daughter that came along at some point accidentally. He called it an immaculate conception. But he is a father to her. And he has good relationships with his family and the girl's mother. Did I mention he was hot?

Really he has been a good role model for me. Inspired me to start a yoga practice. And a great person to show me that it is possible to be civil and even friendly with your ex.

I couldn't picture bringing another man into my son's life. But he is one that I think would be a good influence in our life. I know they would hit it off. And that's what scares me. What happens when mommy and this guy decide that our playing house was a temporary arrangement. I don't want my son to get hurt. I have gotten tough. If I am unhappy or no longer in love, I can walk away and honestly ... never look back. I wish them well and remember good times. A little boy doesn't have that skill. I don't want him to have it!

I want only love and solid forever relationships at this stage in his life. He can have the drama and revolving door when he is older if that is what he needs but I don't want him to learn it from watching me. :(

The time spent waiting for opportunities to hug and connect with this guy is tough. I just want him around. He makes me smile. We have so much in common. And he tastes so good. I want him in my bed every night.

Secret hope: This continues. We keep going strong and fall in love. He is patient and understanding about my reluctance to marry. We get a place together. My son and his daughter spend time together and we do family type stuff. My son looks up to him as a father figure and one day we make another baby that is ours so that my son finally does have a sibling. And we all live happily ever after. Shhhh it's my dirty little secret wish.
dragonflypoet dragonflypoet
31-35, F
1 Response May 17, 2012

Haven't talked to him for a few weeks now, sooooo I guess not! LOL The search continues...

: (( aww thanks for the update though! Lol and good luck on your search as well :)