You Asked, I Didn't. I'm Sorry

You asked me 2 or 3 times to get myself tested. You got yourself tested. Then you told me your results and asked me for mine. I told you the truth, that I hadn't gotten myself tested yet. You smiled and everything was ok because you knew I would do it... But I didn't. I didn't get myself tested and instead when, after we broke up, when I finally got myself tested for that next relationship that would go to the next level (the one you didn't want to go to)... I was positive.

I didn't know I'd be positive, I had no idea I would be. I'm no sexual dynamo. I haven't had that many partners. It couldn't happen to me... But it did... I was open and honest with you. I told you within ONE HOUR of me finding out the truth... Because I didn't want it to be you, too.

I even bought you the same test I used. OraQuick... ******* ora quick... It was. It quickly told me that I was positive and two hours later... two hours later it told you you were negative.

But you didn't believe. You were SO ANGRY at me. I couldn't see because I was still lost in an ocean of shoke. I was callous when i didn't mean to be... To the man of my dreams...

OH GOD! Why have all the perfect memories turned inside out left me upside down and the man who loved me SO MUCH... hating me...

My fault for not being perfect. Yet how could I be. So many things distracting me from the test... that I knew... would tell me what I wanted to hear....

But didn't.

I'm sorry, my loving man whom I would give up everything, including the memories of a lifetime that we shared, if only... only... I could tell you then... when you smiled... that I was already positive... Well... I think I was... right? I had to have been...

Now the memories I was supposed to be carrying in my heart of him and me... the perfect times we had together... have been irrevocably tainted... Every time I made love to him has been turned instead into me INFECTING HIM...

Not that he's positive... not yet... but i am...

and if he is too?
willrawls willrawls
41-45
Nov 26, 2012