I Don't Know What To Do.....

I'm 20 and a virgin. But its not through want of trying.

Its such a massive deal for me. Everyone tells me to relax but I can't. I've never been able to.
How does anyone relax for their first time?!

Everyone keeps telling me its not a big deal, I regret my first time. Sex isn't all its cracked up to be. Don't go making a massive thing out of this. But it is isn't it. And they can all say that. Because they've had sex, they know how it feels. I don't, so its a big deal.
I am the only person I know who is this age and still a virgin. I know people who lost it at 14.
If it wasn't such a big deal why does everyone talk about it so much. Why is sex such a constant conversation topic? Why does everyone go out looking for sex on a night out?

I've come close at least once. I was even inside. But when I tried it just didn't happen. I got scared, and embarresed. I couldn't do it. After that every time I've been close to a girl its gone wrong. I back off and I don't know why. I can't go through with it, or I don't want to with the girl.

I'm sick of being a virgin. I lied about it once and that went terribly wrong. So now I'm open and tell people if they ask. All my friends know I'm one and they're accepting of it. But occasionally they make a joke in fun and I know its not meant in a nasty way but I can't help but let it get to me. I mean how do I defend against it.
I lie and tell people I've had experience in other area's but that was only once.
Its developed so far that I feel like I can't ever be fully incorporated into a group. Can't be part of it cos they all share something I haven't experienced.

I'm sick of it all and I just want it to happen because as soon as it does all this tension and pressure will just stop.
AgeonAngel AgeonAngel
18-21
1 Response Jul 16, 2010

i'm 19 and i know how you feel. i've had the opportunity to loose my virginity a couple times but i get really nervous and can't go through with it. i wish i could let go of my nervousness and insecurity and just let it happen, but that's easier said then done. my friends are the same as well, they except that i'm still a virgin but make fun. <br />
<br />
sometimes it seems my friends are more excited about if i loose it then i am. i feel that if i can just get it over with then i can go on with things. it's a bit disappointing how society puts so much pressure on virginity and the age at which you loose or don't loose it at.