Not Sure It Is Worth It

I have been saving myself for marriage. I get my share of dates, but guys don't understand the "virginity thing."

I would like my wedding night to be something special. For that reason, I have chosen not to give up my virginity. I want something that I could give to my husband that no one else had. The problem is, guys won't hang around long enough to develop a relationship that would lead to marriage if you will not go to bed with them. I feel like I am caught in a circle I cannot escape. maybe, being a virgin on my wedding night is not that important after all.

UPDATE
I would like to thank everyone who has read and commented on this story. It was written in February 2010 but things have changed since I wrote it. I had a very close bi friend. Having always been bi-curious, we became very close and she took my virginity. It was a wondeful, loving moment. She took her time and made it a time in my life I will never forget. We are still together today and I expect it will be a life long relationship.

walkingslowly walkingslowly
26-30, F
17 Responses Feb 23, 2010

Congrads on that. After reading your story and before the update I thought you were gonna wait.<br />
But since you found someone that can make you happy then party on.

I did not lose my virginity from oral sex.

I respect your willpower to wait as long as you did.

Does anyone know how to delete a story.<br />
I posted this a long time ago, when I became a member of EP.<br />
<br />
I will just say things have changed since I posted it and I would love to delete it. The delete story button does not work.

The only thing that I can add to everything that everyone else has said is that whatever you do, do it for yourself... I preferred to have experience and to test the waters to make sure we were compatible, but if you consider your virtue important then you need to find someone who does the same.

Being true to yourself is the most important thing. Whatever you decide follow your heart

mr right is out there so dont give up...you will find him if you stick with your morals

Hmmm, I agree w/ one of the above posters; the virginity thing on your wedding night is better billed as a thing you have done for yourself. Further explanation in a moment...<br />
But in terms of doing a thing such as this for yourself -- this is still an appealing trait in a woman, or rather in anyone really, because it's easy to say you believe in something, but to live it is a true virtue. If I were in the market for a potential marital partner to have kids with that would be someone with that kind of stick-to-it-iveness. That person stands by what they say on issues of parenting, household and finance.<br />
NOW back to that wedding night. Waaaay back in the day I was with two women in different relationships who were virgins before me and in both cases it was nothing spectacular this de-flowering. I mean the sex was there and that's good, but as the male I saw nothing akin to fireworks that were any different from the regular fireworks. In point of fact neither of them was as into keeping their virginity and I was, so I was the holdout who thought of it as something special. I find it even more exciting to think of getting sex with a partner with some experiences to show me. I mean really that's a big thing. Being afraid that my partner has no ability and I have to be the WHOLE show can be a turn off. I like sharing.<br />
And on the man who would find you more desirable LARGELY ba<x>sed on your virginity; do you really want to find out what it's like when that thrill is gone, 'cuz if that's it then it's an experience that you can't replicate. You must wonder WHY he wants a woman who's a virgin; what is it about HIM that is turned on by that? And how would you know if he is "not very good" or not what you want? <br />
I hope that in what I have written you find things to think about on BOTH sides of the question.

Waiting certainly has a way of weeding out men. I'm a bit of a man *****. I have learned that some people simply **** a lot differently. The big concern men face is getting married just to find out he married a frigid woman and they are not sexually compatible. I did the long no sex thing with a woman once only to find out we were simply awful in bed together. She said she was happy, but with only an ****** or two… it just was not at all hot. For me I need a woman who has multiple climaxes and can go from one to the next fairly rapidly. I know I need that to feel like I am satisfying my lover and when it doesn't happen... ? I'd sure hate to find that out after I was married. I also certainly would respect a woman for wanting a ring and a long engagement before taking it to that next level. <br />
<br />
That said, I don’t know that my emphasis on sex is for most people. I applaud your selective nature. This is your life, your body and you deserve a man who respects and appreciates that.

wrong staying a virgin, do it often with several males and make sure you enjoy it and learn as much as possibe, marraige will last lots longer

I always wondered if this stance of no-sex-before-marriage would need to be reciprocated. It seems that if you were to hold out on the sex thing, but your future husband did not, it would create resentment down the road. Perhaps I'm way off base, but that is how it seems to me.

Will you marry me!? ;)

I dont think that it's fair that women are being coerced by men to engage in sexual "relationships" prematurely. Without the threat of rejection ,a mans' persuasion over a womans' decision to abstain from sex has no momentum. Your body, your choice.

Hey girl this is an easy situation. If they dont want to wait or respect your opinions, do you really want to give that to that boy? I am not a virgin, but when I decide to get serious about finding a life companion, I will go celebate till the wedding. Nothing more than kissing. If he cant respect that, he only wants my body, not me as a person. He can go out with the rest of the trash at that point.

follow your heart! someday you will find the right man who will love you for that!

Think about it this way - if this is important to you, would you really want to be with someone who doesn't understand that? <br />
<br />
In a lot of ways, it can seem silly, just a "thing" that shouldn't have so much importance placed on it. But just once, and you can't get it back. If you have waited this long...it will be a huge thing for you. And your future husband? He's just one man in a sea of millions. <br />
<br />
Don't back out now. It will be an amazing gift to give him.

You maybe correct.