I am just now coming to terms with the fact, I am a transgendered woman. Which in an of itself is not a big deal. But what is, is the fact I married to an awesome woman , with two incredible daughters . So the questions is how do I still be the husband to my wife, and father to my girls that I want to be, and become the woman I am. This has me so torn and confused.
DawnR59 DawnR59
56-60, T
4 Responses Aug 18, 2014

I'm in the exact same predicament, only I'm ftm. I'm 32, I have a husband and young two sons...but I don't think I can pull off the female facade much longer.
I've known I was supposed to be male since I was 10. The day I discovered I could surgically transition I cried so hard, because I wanted it so bad, but knew my family would never be supportive or accepting.
So I did everything I could to force myself to feel ok with this body...all the way to having kids. After that I realized it still isn't right.
But now I don't know how to feel right and not mess up my kids emotional stability at the same time.
My youngest sees the male me and often asks for that side to be around, my oldest doesn't really seem to care...but if I started a transition...would they understand?

It is so very hard, I still don't know what I'm going to do. If it was just me I transition to woman full time. But I not . I think my girls will be understanding when I tell them my wife doesn't want me to yet. My wife hates it, I don't hate it if fact I've come to accept and embrace who and what I am,

Its hard for a significant other who wants the person they thought they married. I am very fortunate that my husband is understanding...though it's not like I've really given him a choice.

Exactly, it's so very hard my wife is not a lesbian , it's tearing me up inside, I mean I feel better about myself like ever now but I understand who and what I am, but have never felt worse but what this is doing to my wife and my relationship with her and to feel both of those things at the exact same time is very hard,

:( yes it is hard, but be sure to take time to be you when you can. You must allow yourself to be fully expressive, even if it's just dressing up and taking pics of the real you to look at when you feel lost.

Totally agree, I feel so bad for my wife I told her if she come me like you and said she was a man I'd have a hard time a very hard time

Sexual preference definitely plays a major roll in how people react. My husband is ok with it because I have Dissociative Identity Disorder, so he got to know the male me long before I let it show physically.
I personally prefer women as companions, but I have no solid sexual orientation. So if my husband were to say he wanted to be a woman, I'd tell him to go for it.

3 More Responses

You don't. You can only properly choose one.

That is a tough predicament you're in. There are a lot of women that are in similar situations as you. Also there's plenty of resources online and support sites that you and your family could benefit from. I would suggest talking to a therapist if you haven't already. Just know that you will still be the father to your daughters no matter who you are. Just because you're a woman does not mean you can't be their father. My mom raised me and she took the role of mother and father. As for being a husband, if your wife can be accepting and is okay with it, then you can still be her husband. But as a woman. I hope you're able to figure it out. :)

Thank you Jennifer , at this point I'm not sure what I'm going to do moving forward , my wife knows but she's not too supportive or understanding the girls don't know probably won't , I'm more than likely not going to come out any more , and just be a woman when and where I can.

I am seeing a therapist, she's working with on my owe and my wife and me as a couple.

I've found a Trans Women's support group not to far from my house.

That's a tough path to take, but I can't say I wouldn't do the same if I was in your situation. Transition is not the answer for everyone. I have respect for you that you're putting your family first. That's very admirable.

That's good that you have found a support group. Even if your wife was supportive, it'd still be good to talk to other ladies who know exactly what you're going through from first hand experience.

"Just because you're a woman does not mean you can't be their father" By definition, a woman cannot be a father.

Really? That's strange because my mother took the role of my father for many years.

I'm sorry that you didn't have a father figure. Your mom might have been able to do a lot of what the father would do out of necessity, but she was not a father. One of the major problems with society today is that the father is just not there.

Thanks Connie, I've been seeing a councillor for a few months my wife gone a few times, My wife is supportive sort of, meaning she supports my seeing a councillor and going to support groups, she doesn't support my doing anything for my feminine self she hates it ,

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I know exactly what you saying .sacrifice for the good of others ..all stuck together. I feel you girl .