Finding It Hard To Stop

I started at an early age around 13 and I am 16 now. Through school I couldn't wait to get on a break to have a cigarette and loved the adrenaline of hiding the fact fact was smoking it felt so good with the friends and the fact of hiding smoking from my family too. A year later she found out and was angry at me but that didn't stop me as I loved the feeling of smoking so I just carried on.
I found that after that it was quite hard to keep it hidden as my mum started checking my bags so I kept them in a hidden place where she would never think of looking until the suspicions died down. She stopped checking after a few months. A year later my Granny saw me smoking with my mate in my mates garden. She never told my mum but she wouldn't stop nagging me about the risks even though I knew them and didn't care anyway, she asked if I wanted help and I said no. Eventually she just gave up asking me. I kept carrying as I enjoyed it, my boyfriend smoked and was allowed to smoke in front of mum so I just spent most of my time their as it meant having that freedom of having as many as I want, that felt so great. After a few months we did break up so I no longer that freedom. I had many boyfriends after him, some smoked and some didn't and they didn't care if i did smoke. As i am in college that was my freedom even though I'm on a fitness course but that never stopped. Recently i have found a new boyfriend who cares a lot for me and only wants the best for me and I understand that. He means a lot to so I thought id give it a shot by stopping smoking as this is what he wanted and I seemed to aswell as I was struggling with the practical side of my course. I've not had one for 18 days and has suddenly started getting to me and I don't want him to that I miss smoking with my friends and I miss my routine of having one in the morning while walking to college. I can honestly I like the feeling I get when smoking the smooth but harsh feeling in my throat and how relaxed I felt after one. I've been so low in my mood and stressed since I've quit. I don't knows what to do.
caketin8 caketin8
18-21, F
Jan 22, 2013