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Its Very Difficult, And I Know Exactly Why

I have a great deal of problems, my social life is in shambles and I cannot see myself ever dating or loving again. Nevertheless, I make attempts at turning things around, and occasionally I have a day here and there which doesn't border entierly on the negative. Unfortunatley, positive thinking is at lease halfway against my nature. I love my dad with all my heart, I really do. He is a great person and I am thankful for him, but he is one of the most pessimistic, negative, doom and gloom people I have ever met....No, actually he is not just one of..he is number 1. My mother on the other hand is about 98% the opposite of that. She was stricken with polio at a young age and still has a smile everyday. Why couldn't I have just turned out like that (the smile, not the polio)? I'll tell you why. I had a terrible high school career. Just awful. I am still feeling the aftershocks to this day, particularly in terms of my lack of confidence. Around the same time, my mother went to California to live. From 2000-2005, and then again from 2007-2009...and coming up again in September of 2010 (when I get home from England)I lived (or will) with him. The negativity stuck with me and now it is a part of me. I am not quite as negative as he is, but I can get pretty bad. But, I am trying to think positive. It's not easy, but I am trying.

TheEvilLeaper TheEvilLeaper 26-30, M Mar 15, 2010

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