I Know How I See Myself

Knowing how I see myself, I know this isn't the perspective as how people see me. Sometimes I do wonder; do people see me differently? I mean, REALLY differently?

I'm not talking about, I see me as fat but they don't. I see me as unworthy but they don't.

I wonder, I imagine whether these people honestly see how I think I act, maybe how I feel? Maybe they see me as this person that's always happy and willing to help, maybe they don't; maybe they see that I'm not actually the strong happy one, and I do need help, maybe they don't. I wonder if they can see the tears behind the smile, I wonder if they can see the upsetness behind the laughs.

I know I see myself as depressed, I feel mentally unwell, I try my hardest to keep going in life, to smile each day and enjoy it. I have no interest in anything, but I do it anyway because how would one get better otherwise? I feel no need to socialise, but I do anyway - well try.

Maybe I shouldn't be wondering at all and just take things as they are, and just appreciate what I have? The friendships I do have, but I cannot help the thought that dwells inside me, how do they see me compared to how I see myself?
XanthiaJo XanthiaJo
26-30, F
May 19, 2012