Irreversable Long LastingI made a mistake that is not reversable, has long lasting effects. I didn't want to fail like I did. It's one of those mistakes a person does when looking for something they feel they haven't got, and has issues to deal with from long ago not worked out. I had things in my head I needed to resolve. Anyway, as a result I lost the one I thought I loved. It was 3 years ago and I can't move on.
I'm going through days of unhappiness, where I don't have people in my life. I have some family, but it feels like there are no friends in my life. It hurts, but maybe it's what I deserve. Anyway, I have had time to talk about my troubles and am just at a point where I am kind of numb. I am very unhappy with where I was, and don't know where I am going.
I am trying Church, which used to be my passion. I am really fed up with hoping to find friendships with people, and never finding them. I get anxious often. I don't do things in order. I find watching TV a past-time. Enjoying life, is something I find difficult to allow myself to do.
I don't know what to expect from posting this. I change my thinking to be happy, and hope my day to day battle finds me someone to trust, a best friend perhaps.
People seem to have people already. When I went to uni years ago, I didn't go to the pubs when people first met on the first day. I didn't like pubs. I lost out on knowing anyone on my course. From then on it was all too much. Today, I don't know where to go or how to go about finding people who I will allow myself to have a friendship with.
My interests: I enjoy laughing, being a playful person. I love story ideas. I like movies.
I go to Church, even when I feel I have had enough of it. I have some memories and experiences that mean a lot to me that keep me going back. I trust in God, rather than a message a pastor might give. I try to be there for people if it's helpful.
I know I shouldn't think on the past mistakes. Sometimes it's difficult not to when the consequences are so big.