Irreversable Long Lasting

I made a mistake that is not reversable, has long lasting effects. I didn't want to fail like I did. It's one of those mistakes a person does when looking for something they feel they haven't got, and has issues to deal with from long ago not worked out. I had things in my head I needed to resolve. Anyway, as a result I lost the one I thought I loved. It was 3 years ago and I can't move on.

I'm going through days of unhappiness, where I don't have people in my life. I have some family, but it feels like there are no friends in my life. It hurts, but maybe it's what I deserve. Anyway, I have had time to talk about my troubles and am just at a point where I am kind of numb. I am very unhappy with where I was, and don't know where I am going.

I am trying Church, which used to be my passion. I am really fed up with hoping to find friendships with people, and never finding them. I get anxious often. I don't do things in order. I find watching TV a past-time. Enjoying life, is something I find difficult to allow myself to do.

I don't know what to expect from posting this. I change my thinking to be happy, and hope my day to day battle finds me someone to trust, a best friend perhaps.

People seem to have people already. When I went to uni years ago, I didn't go to the pubs when people first met on the first day. I didn't like pubs. I lost out on knowing anyone on my course. From then on it was all too much. Today, I don't know where to go or how to go about finding people who I will allow myself to have a friendship with.

My interests: I enjoy laughing, being a playful person. I love story ideas. I like movies.

I go to Church, even when I feel I have had enough of it. I have some memories and experiences that mean a lot to me that keep me going back. I trust in God, rather than a message a pastor might give. I try to be there for people if it's helpful.

I know I shouldn't think on the past mistakes. Sometimes it's difficult not to when the consequences are so big.
36-40, M
1 Response Sep 12, 2012

Church is just a religion. Some churches are very passive and don't tell you the truth. You have to find God for yourself. You should try a penticostal church where the Holy Spirit moves upon those who are of a contrite heart. It's not a religion, its a relationship, for yourself. Once you come in to grips with who Jesus Christ really is and let him fill you with himself, you will never be the same! Full of Joy and peace. ALWAYS! God Bless You!