******** With My Bestfriend.

About two or three weeks ago I had just suffered a breakup and was going through alot at the time, Meanwhile my male best friend of a year was there for me when i needed someone the most, He was my shoulder to cry on and the wind beneath my wings. Even though I wasn't in the best mood he would stay with me no matter what and I thanked him for that.

One day we were having one or our daily conversations on the phone when I started to look back on my past relationship with my ex; The thoughts wernt all bad because I begain to daydream about all the times we had PS. I was so caught up in the dream that I had become aroused by it. *YEAH....* Not to mention I havent had any in two weeks....
 So I change the topic and begin to ask him a few questions about sex, Like what turns him on, what does he like in a girl, etc, and he brought into it. We have had many conversations like this, but it has never escalated to this point. Turns out he was into a lot of things I was in and I became sexually interested at that moment and I told him that I was in the mood, He got excited and ran with it, but he was so bad at trying to keep me stimulated that he ended up stuttering and losing train of thought, He even put the phone in his pocket and went to go feed the dogs -WTF?- Obviously displeased I put the phone down and attempted to pleasure myself. The feeling was bittersweet though, as hard as I was trying to think of my friend in that way, It just didn't work out.
After it was all said and done he was trying to try again with me asking questions, but I was already over it.

We started to talk again that same night and everything was well, Until that topic came up again, I don't know what was with me that day, but I was really in the mood. He took advantage of it and started talking about the things I told him I liked. Being the horn dog I was that day I reluctantly gave into it; I find it sexy when a man tells me that they get off to me and well he came out and told me that for the past few weeks he has been getting off to my voice. I was surprised but turned on to think that he thought of me in such away. I played into his little game and after about an hour of awkward flirting he popped a question.
"Can I get off to you with you on the phone?"
Pleased by it at this point I told him yes, and that's when it started. He told me to make sounds and talk dirty to him; I admit I was all for it I suggested things I would do to him and the more commanding I got the more pleased he sounded. This was new to me, because my ex would never behave this way when I suggested things like this. I was thrilled to here him moan my name and such,  but something was wrong, I wasn't getting off to the thought of him, I was getting off to the thought of my ex!! At the same time something in my head popped on and I said to myself "WTF am i doing?" and i instantly lost the mood. He was so into it and into me.  He was whimpering for more and wanted to keep going; But around this time I was like "OMG what am I'm doing?" But to be fair I kept going and made sure that he at least got off. When he was finished he told me that he had wanted to do that with me for a VERY long time and in my head I'm just like "Yeah....right." After wards we talked for a while and then he went to sleep. I stayed awake for a while not being able to sleep. We talked the next day, but I made it so it wasn't awkward.

I made a huge mistake because now my friend claims he is in love with me, I have no interest in him what so ever! I use to like him back then, but now its more in the friend-zone. Now when we talk on the phone hes so mushy and sexual, Its smothering and a turn off. I told him three times already that I'm not interested in dating right now, because I just got out of a relationship, He told me he understood, but even now he is still telling me that he gets off to me and that he wants to be my boyfriend. To be honest I'm actually kind of creeped out, but I'm still his friend regardless, I care for him alot, just not in that way.. Not to mention I'm not sexually attracted to him at all. He isn't my type either, which makes things more difficult.
I call this a mistake because it is, It was only a onetime thing now hes fooling himself into believe he is in love with me, just because we had PS one night.

We all make mistakes, but this is something Im going to have to just live with,..... xD

OerbaDiaVanille OerbaDiaVanille
26-30, F
1 Response Sep 17, 2012

Hey this one may feel like big trouble in the present, but trust me a while from now you will be laughing your *** off about this one. Hey I am laughing my *** of about it right now (Just Kidding) I just had to type that just to mess with you : )

Sweetie why are you in such a hurry with relationships? Yah I know they feel good, and their litteraly is a real "high" produced by the release of Oxytocin (the trust hormone) and endorphins in your brain, so you feel great fullfilled and on top of the world at the start of each relationship. Now here comes the problem with drugs, which is this case are of course your own bodies natural versions of MDMA (Ecstacy), and morphine in the case of your endorphins. Once a relationship goes on for a few months these make you feel sooooo goooood chemical levels drop, and that one is not preventable, in your mind. Suddenly the guy has a blemish where there was non before, his thing points to the right, or you start notice that you really cant stand his personality, and a bunch of other negative crap creaps in.

Now having the memories of that ohhh sooo good natural drug induced state of mind, many people will naturally want to feel that again, and again and again.......Just like the crack head with his rock, except it natural drug form and over a much longer time frame.

Sweetie NEVER forget that these chemicals are NOT your friend in general, because if you chase them, or the initial relationship high, then you will end up bouncing from false relationship, to false relationship, to false relationship. Think about it this way chasing the relationship high is like going out to dinner and getting only the appitizer. The best and mosty fullfilling aspect of any relationship is love. With short time relationships love has no time to grow, so its just chemical driven infatuation, and sex, which results in a way greater number of lifetime partners and increased risk of STD's (Yah sure all these guys are going to be honest) and god forbid even an unplanned pregnancy, where you do not have a real father figure who is going to stay with you and help you raise your child. These guys will split the minute they hear baby or pregnant.

You are so smart so try to think about what I wrote here , and reach your own conclusions that fit your life. I do so admire your courage to write what you did in such a candid way, this is truely commendable and it shows that you are indeed still an amazing woman : )