Paying Back A Debt

Anyone who has read my past stories knows long story short fell for a 22 year old when I was 15 or so, got caught sending bad pictures. The guy lost all 3 of his jobs, arrested, and his mugshot got spread all over newspapers. After all that of course the guy never acted the same toward me, and against court order still talked to me. I felt horrible for what happened. I wanted to take all the blame since it was my pictures; that he never asked for. As me the underage, never got punished more than suspended for a day and 75 points for nudity on my phone. I've spent 3 years of my life in love with this guy willing to bend over backwards for him, doing everything in my power to get his attention or please him. I've never been in jail, but I'd rather have been then go through 3 years thinking this guy actually gave a damn for me, gave him around 1000 dollars for him to keep his house, and done everything he ever asked me too. He proved to me he didn't care at all what I done, and I tried to tell him things to just get a rise out of him or just him telling me he don't like that. But no instead I get jokes, that me feel even worse. Everyday all I hear is him talking about how much he loves this one person that don't give a damn about him. And it leaves me speechless thinking, "Wonder how you think I feel.." Nothing is worse than loving someone that barely even sees you, unless they need something. Looking back I done things for this guy, that I'm ashamed to even think about.After all that happen anyone who heard my name knew who I was and seen me as nothing more than a *****. I hate to remember how hard I fought with my dad, for this guy to keep him out of prison. To only find out that dad was right about him. And in the end I'm left with a brokenheart, numerous scars, 3 years of my life wasted, and that I will never forgive myself for what I let happen. But most importantly I now realize I regret ever meeting you, and wish I hadn't. I think I more than payed back my debt. As a result I've learned it don't matter what mistakes I've made in my past, just as long as I overcame it and changed who I am. And I'm more than happy to finally get through this chapter in life to move on to something much better.
ButterflyGirl9521 ButterflyGirl9521
18-21, F
1 Response Jan 8, 2013

glad to hear you getting on with your life and not letting it get to you :)

thank you, I realize now he wasn't even worth the time of day..

well meant what i said, glad u now getting on with your life and being you :) x

I lost close to US$40,000 trusting a man to be a good business partner. Its been a year now and all he does is drag and give all types of lame excuses. But God gave hope and slowly but surely making the long climb to recover my losses day at a time. The hymn sounds apt:"One Day at a Time"