Not Making Fun Of Them, But Still...

I don't mock "emo" people, but I still disslike them. Most of the reason I do that is the entire cutting thing. I had serious problems with selfharm. When "emo" people go and brag about how deep they cut yesterday or how they got stitches etc. it sickens me. I've been lucky enough to not see much of this. But I saw my share of it.

In my old class (9th grade) we had one or two "emos", we also had some quiet people, some depressed people, some "regular" people, and the anti-social ones. One of the emos I remember, because she cut herself and literally Showed It Off! Why!? I don't get it. I don't think any of the emos had any actual mental issues, they just did it for style or something...

Then we had the quiet people. One of them was me. Yeah, in 7th grade I started getting issues. "Only" slight depression. So I saw the emos showing of their cuts and talked about the issues they had. Most of that was "My dad doesn't buy this." or "My mom won't borrow me all her money.". Those sort of things. So I learned that those people had no issues and they were outgoing about it. So I kept quiet most of the time to not look like them, to sort of fit in. I tried to hide it. In 9th grade I was really quiet and no one noticed that I cut myself so I was satisfied with that at least. Most of the quiet people were depressed, but I behaved slightly different. So no one suspected me having issues. So the quiet people looked down on the emos, a lot.

Then the anti-social ones. I became one of those. Actually... It was only me and almost one (almost two) of my friends. So I was the anti-social one. I became that because the emos didn't like me, and that resulted in most of my classmates doing the same, to some degree. But this emo girl who showed of her scars... She really hated me for some reason. I think it was because I didn't like her. I didn't like her because of how she showed that off and how she said that she was going to kill herself but everyone (including herself) knew it was a joke. A Joke! Who jokes about that? god!
So I started avoiding her and her harsh words. I was generally dissliked because I'm handicaped and didn't quite fit in. I had some problems, so I didn't trust people at all, which they noticed and dissliked. So yeah. I did talk, but not most days. I had one friend/ two who I talked to. But they really didn't give me any support. Especially one of them, she actually put me down and made me worse. But now we're becoming friends again. I hope I can help her get more respect for what I did and understand why I did it. But that's a different story.
bluecupcakes bluecupcakes
18-21, F
1 Response Jan 23, 2013

I'm very slowly building up a picture of your life -and the more you write, the more if you I understand.
a very "interesting" post - quite difficult for somebody in their 40's to understand - this "cutting"

Your not the only friend on list of friends, who mentions this.

Please - if you ever want to talk, on a private platform - message me- I'm busy a lot these days- but I will make time, when u r ready- if u ever want to talk further about this- ok??
Keep warm - keep happy - keep smiling !!

Mark xx

I don't think I'll have to talk these sort of things out, I just need to get them down oon paper and out of my system. That way I can leave it easier. I learn from all of it and then I don't have to keep thinking about it. Right now I'm feeling good, but I can never be sure that it'll last. But I don't really need to talk about it more than just getting it out there. I'm doing pretty good. When I think of something in the past and it bugs me or I can't get my mind of it, I write it down. Not always here, but I just get it out and then I'm fine. haha. I just love cleaning up the old things. Sure, they'll be there, but won't effect me as much. I'm okey, really. :) (Most of the time :P)

Ok - np - just remember- I'm available for any help or advise you may need - for any subject - anything! - I've been through a lot of aweful things in my life - and sometimes- a problem shared, is a problem solved - I may, for example, be able to see things from a different point of view.

Have a good day- and thanks for the comments on my WTK post !!
Mark xxxx