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Making Light Of The Situation

So, like I've said in previous stories, I love my bf, Trip. We've been together for over four years now. It was on my 21st birthday that he first told me he wanted to marry me. Of course, being a girl about it, I thought that meant it was actually going to happen soon. After some normal ups and downs, we stopped talking about the idea of marriage.
Then, in my desperate attempt to replant the idea in his head, I got really annoying about it. Now I'm in this terrible habit of nagging him constantly about when we're getting engaged. I think I've actually crossed the line too far into joke land and pushed him away.
Now I catch myself poking fun at him for wanting to spend the rest of his life with me. I remind him how he's stuck with me, and things like that. So while I say stupid things all in good fun, I realize in the back of my mind that I sound ridiculous. I mean, I feel like that jackass laughing at a funeral.
Now I just don't know how to correct myself. I think if I lay off and stop pressuring him, Trip will ask me to marry him. Part of me wants to talk to him about it. Like actually sit down and apologize for being a jerk and get back to when we were seriously considering marriage. But I don't know if I've just gone too far to even bother with that. Of course, I don't want to back off and forget about it all together either. I guess I just feel like I dug a hole and don't know how to get out.
AribelleG AribelleG 22-25, F 1 Response Sep 21, 2013

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Does he want to marry you? Or does he just kinda want to do this forever?