I Am F*cking Hilarious!

I often crack myself up with the things I say, do, or think. I'll comment back with some examples later.

TheEtherBunny TheEtherBunny
26-30, M
14 Responses Mar 20, 2009

yea real funny man

HOLD ON, PARDNA'! No one's talking about connecting any plumbing.<br />
<br />
BTW, what's wrong with a man hugging another man?

Ether has never been picky

We said a HUG. Silly man.

I don't think our plumming would fit together.

Maybe a hug from mewold would be good for him.

you want mewold to hug you?<br />
<br />
Run Mewold run...

I can't decide where's the best place to post it, so I'm covering all the bases.<br />
<br />
I'm only lonely if it gets me a hug.

Are you lonely?

god you love yourself! How many times will you post the same story ?

This is from the "I Have a Crazy Roommate" group:<br />
<br />
At EXACTLY 3:33 A.M. this morning, I entered my roommate’s room.<br />
<br />
A few quick notes about my roommate’s room: His room is VERY dark because he is the type of weirdo who puts aluminum foil over his windows so he can sleep-in without the early morning sunshine disturbing him. Also, he likes his room COLD, not just cold, but freezer COLD. In fact, even though our house is equipped with A/C, he installed a separate window A/C unit in his room and put those thick, plastic strips you see on some industrial freezers (the kind that dangle from the ceiling) in the door leading to his room.<br />
<br />
In the near total darkness of my roommate’s room, my naked body alight with an eerie green glow (he had left his cable box on and the clock has a green LED), I cautiously stepped onto his bed and walked toward its center. I didn’t have to worry about my movements waking him or his girlfriend because this goofball, who doesn’t ever seem to have money for groceries, bought a king size tempur-pedic bed.<br />
<br />
After moments of careful creeping, I finally found myself standing over my unconscious roommate and his girlfriend as they lay spooning. I eyed both of them to make sure they were still securely in Morpheus’ embrace then took my flashlight in one hand and aimed it at the ceiling. I’m tall, so the flashlight almost touched the ceiling and when I turned it on, it shone like some dim and dying star with its rays radiating out across the ceiling.<br />
<br />
As I stood astride those sleeping fools, like the great Colossus of Rhodes, my shining flashlight in one outstretched hand, I smiled in triumph. After a few moments, the thrill of my adventure left me and I decided to take things a step further. I turned off my flashlight and put in my iPod earphones and cranked up the music. While “Maniac” blasted my eardrums, I psyched myself up for the next daring step. I began to dance. I danced carefully so as not to wake my sleeping roommate or his girlfriend, but dance I did!<br />
<br />
There was a scary moment when his girlfriend turned in her sleep. She turned away from my roommate and faced the side of the bed, barely bumping into my leg. Needless to say, the surprise/fright of her unexpected movement caused my body to tense up and put an end to my dancing. At that point I figured I better get out while the getting’ was good. After I got off the bed, I started for the bedroom door, but I couldn’t leave. Not yet.<br />
<br />
I quietly walked over to the side of the bed where his girlfriend’s face was and gingerly love tapped her on the lips with my Johnson. I just couldn’t help myself. Anyway that was the end of my latest raid. It’s a good thing he doesn’t have EP. Mwuhahaha!

I posted this in the 'I Love Maps' group:<br />
<br />
I was Captain Cook's cartographer. You think your labors went unappreciated? Try working for a condescending, know-it-all ***** with an English accent.<br />
<br />
I got my revenge though. One day, we were taking shoreleave on the Sandwich Islands and I told the chief the Captain was coming ashore the following day to honor him with a Boston Steamer.<br />
<br />
The chief was intrigued by this 'Boston Steamer' and pleaded with me to explain what it was, going so far as to offer me a pig, a bushel of pineapples, and a night with his least attractive daughter. Needless to say, I told the chief what a Boston Steamer was and, as we all know, when he came ashore the following morning, Captain Cook got his just desserts.<br />
<br />
And as our longboat sailed away from the onrushing natives, I shouted out to Captain Cook as the natives overcame him, "Tell ME where to put a compass rose on a map, will ye? Take THAT, ya arsehole!

A few years ago at one of my old jobs, it was nearing Christmas and I was in the giving spirit. So, I asked my of coworkers, who was a really nice guy, what he wanted for Christmas.<br />
<br />
Well, he told me over and over that he didn't want anything and I didn't have to get him anything. I finally told him that he was a good friend of mine and I really wanted to get him something for Christmas.<br />
<br />
Trying to be a smartass, he replied, "Just get me something I'll never use." I immediately quipped, "Okay, I'll buy you a box of condoms."<br />
<br />
You should have seen his face.

scary scary scary