My castle moved to the sand.

I've been "manipulating" people for decades.
I see what I believe to be the best possible outcome, and I push all of the person's buttons that I can see until they go towards it. Then I let them set sail.

Some could say that's like a preacher or priest giving advice. Some could say it's the ultimate gift, costing a little piece of your heart each and every time. I just do it in my spare time, or when I'm feeling down, to leave my world and enter someone else's - and play it until it's better.

Others would say that's so narrow minded, I am but one man with one opinion based on one context. And cruel, to limit someone like that.

The problems:

Though I got glowing feedback often, some never came back. I don't know if I did good or terrible bad for them.

My fiance never takes well to it, she often has strong beliefs that another path is better, or "hers" regardless of better or worse.

I stopped empathising with the people whose worlds I took over, because it was costing me too much. I wanted my life back - at least part of it - so I could focus my energy into something that would make me a living.

Now I am in a mess. I don't know if I have lost sight of that golden dream world, where everything is better. That road I was sending people down. I am unable to send myself down it, and I am unable to direct my fiance towards it.

In short folks, I need help. I don't know what I'm doing anymore, I've finally got someone who wants to know my first responses to things, my initial reactions - my inner self. Nobody has wanted to see that before, not so badly they were willing to be hurt by it. Now I'm out, and it's not pretty. You see, I used to consider all the options carefully. Usually in writing, so it was easy the person was not glaring at me in person. I just got their written replies, which were mostly glowing anyway or giving more information. Now with someone glaring, it's hard to see all the options and choose. I am giving my initial responses like any other person and thinking they are as good as my old advice. At least, I say them as if they are as good, when in fact they are not sound.

Your comments (all of them) are most welcome.
cloudsoflife cloudsoflife
31-35, M
Aug 20, 2014