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My Wife Is Bisexual

I am a straight man who is married to a bisexual woman. I have known since before we married and I chose to accept her as she is. I love her and I understand that she cant help being attracted to females as well as males. I support her if she wants to be with a woman...but we had to set some ground rules. 1) her relationship with a chosen woman cannot progress beyond being friends with some sexual pleasure sharing (no falling in love either way). 2) She will not be with another male...no 3-somes, 4-somes, or even one-on-one (of course group sex with FEMALES is different if she chooses). 3) If it starts to interfere with our sex life, relationship, or marriage in any way then she will end it. I will not be with another woman because I have no real desire to be with anyone but my wife. Some have said "thats not fair to you"....well, I dont think it feels unfair at all. As long as I am able to be with her and my needs are met, then Im happy. She has told me that if she is with a woman and that woman is consenting, that I am welcome to watch. I always give them privacy and I dont know that I would (it would depend on my mood at the time). Any way, Her bisexuality doesnt bother me at all. Our sex life isnt the greatest right now, but it has nothing to do with this at all.  I love my bisexual wife and I wouldnt trade her for anything. I would never try to change her, Id never hurt her, Id never take advantage of the "opportunities" that come with her....I am her husband, and I am totally faithful to her.

IndyJoe IndyJoe 41-45, M 51 Responses Aug 7, 2008

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I am a straight guy that has married a bi-curious woman.
I know it since we started dating and I'm quite happy with my marriage so far (8 years).
None of us had an exhaustive sexual life before marriage, so it's only natural that we both have sexual fantasies that we haven't realized yet.
But my opinion is that while some fantasies are not so strong and won't make us unfulfilled if we won't live it, there are some desires that maybe it's best not to ignore them.
I identify myself a lot with IndyJoe and wouldn't like to be on Possum0805's position in a few years.
Because I believe that marriage is much more about Love, honesty, happiness (etc) than about sexual exclusivity I've already let her try both another man and a woman (to clear doubts and curiosity).
While with the other man she loved the foreplay (massage in her back) but had to fake her ******, on her girl-girl experience (I think she only received it) despite having a strong ****** (of a new thing), she told me she didn't liked it "overall" [because she didn't liked it, she didn't told me the details - and I haven't insisted].
Nevertheless, sometimes we watch lesbian **** and it arouses us [both] much more than boy-girl. (Female bodies are much more beatiful than male)
This has been ~3 years now, and since then we have been busy on our early journey as parents.
Although I honestly believe she loves me very much, sometimes I can't avoid feeling a bit unsecure because even though I've given her proof that I she can tell me all her desires, sometimes I think she might be afraid it because she is shy...
I just hope I'm completely wrong.
(And on a moment of insecurity because I am working abroad [speaking about this on the phone is not the same thing])
Note: To be fair to me, she would allow me to **** another woman but I don't feel the need... I had one last experience on my bachelor’s party [organized by friends] and it was crap.

I'm going to give some advice here, and you can take it with a grain of salt, but....

You ride her til she bucks you, or you don't ride her at all.

If you are happy with this arrangement, I'd recommend sticking to it. If you are unhappy with this arrangement, I'd recommend changing it.

My wife and I are going through a period of discovery, 13 years in. I ignored her bisexuality, and so did she. She hinted she was into women, but she couldn't imagine chasing them together. She couldn't imagine not being jealous when I sunk into them, but she could perfectly imagine herself alone with a woman.

That's the essential issue for a lot of women. They'd like a girlfriend, but they can't imagine you having one.

Now, we are on the other side of the fence. I'm scared she may be a lesbian. I think she may be scared of it too, but she'd never say that, she's a great partner who is sensitive to me. But I can't help feel it, and I know it may be ridiculous. She says she can't be in a relationship with women, and I have no real reason to discount that. She just wants to rub against them for a bit, kiss, lick. But.....she REALLY wants to rub against them, kiss, lick, etc.

I'm taking it as it comes. I feel like the last **** in the world she is interested in, especially because she took so long to be honest with me about the place women take up in her fantasy sex life. And if she's only interested in one **** in her fantasy sex life, I'm only one **** away from being excluded, but....no matter the result, I love her. She's an amazing person, and I cant' imagine regretting the last 13 years. If we become sexually incompatible, we'll deal with it then.

My wife is also Bi, she has been with many women, but now, she denies it, and acts like it never happened. I do not understand, why this sudden change? We have not had intercourse in years, I just help myself.

I am an openly bisexual woman, and have always noticed tensions in my relationships with the men I love. Initially, there is prurient curiosity on a guy's part about being with me or with me and another girl, but when things start to get serious and talk turns to moving in together or marriage (in the case of my daughter's father), jealousy rears its head.

By my very nature - having two sides to my sexuality that need fulfillment - I find it impossible to commit to a single person. Not that I sleep around. I usually have one boyfriend and one girlfriend at the same time; I am a polyamorous woman who prefers to be in committed relationships. Nor would I object if my man decided to pursue an outside relationship; it's only fair. In any event, most of my girlfriends (the bi ones) have usually been more than willing to join me and my boyfriend of the moment in the bedroom. So it's not that I am unwilling to share.

What appears to be the hangup for the men in my life is that there is a part of my life that they can never be fully part of. However skilled they may be in stimulating me physically the way another girl does (present BF is highly skilled in this regard - I joke that he is a male lesbian), they can never be with me emotionally in the same way. At the risk of being overly graphic, there is an exquisite ecstasy that I only experience when eating out another woman's ***** and being eaten out in turn. (The best ******* of my life occur while climaxing simultaneously with my girlfriends in the 69 position.) When I am having sex with a female, it is though I were making love to a mirror image of myself. As one of my favorite actresses, Drew Barrymore, herself an openly bi girl, put it: "Being with a woman is like exploring your own body, but through someone else."

Honestly, I am beginning to wonder if the answer to my jealous boyfriend problem is to fall in love with a bisexual man, who has a side to himself that I can never be part of.

I respect you so much I am a bisexual woman married to a man who is so much like you, thank you for posting your emotions, my husband feels the same as you do

You might be faithful to her, but she isn't to you. I would have a problem with that, also you said she isn't allowed to have feeling for the other woman? Really, how you going to keep that from happening? I really hope it works for you.

I am in the same situation, my wife has been bi since we have been married, she likes to tell me about her girlfriends, and things they do. It is fine with me, as you stated, and long as she comes home to me, I have no problem with its, it also turns me on, and sometimes I get to watch. (:

Very intelligent!

<p>My wife is bi-sexual and also submissive. We have been together 15 years. She loves the idea of sharing me with a woman. Taking the gentle touch of the woman with the forceful aggressive sex from me. A truly great woman and best friend She is only interested in group activity with me though. Does not want drama or relationships.. just good fun with clean-cut gals who are also secretly ****** behind closed doors.

Thought I'd give my take on this as a bisexual woman. I have known I was bisexual since well....childhood really. I have dated both men and women. For me though, I'm monogamous. I am attracted to both men and women, yes, but I do not find the idea of having someone 'on the side' appealing in the least bit. I happened to fall in love and marry a man. It could have well been a woman because I did date both men and women. For me, I made a commitment to my husband. I have no desire to have a relationship with a woman solely because I find women attractive, just as I do not find the idea of having an extramarital affair with a man appealing either.
I find the idea of being married and still having a girlfriend/boyfriend outside of a marriage repulsive for me personally. It works for some people I suppose, but for me it's not an option. There is what I call bisexuality and promiscuous bisexuality. Bisexuality is simply that you are attracted to both men and women, while promiscuous bisexuality is when you're not completely satisfied unless you have both needs met- being with your partner (male or female) and being with someone of your own sex (male or female). My main goal in finding a life partner was to be satisfied with that person, JUST that person, no matter their sex, not finding someone I was sorta comfortable with and then having fun with someone else.
I get the impression from a lot of people that being bisexual means you must desire or want to be with both sexes all the time, or that one sex is never fulfilling for you because of your bisexuality and that's just not the case with me.
If I might, the one thing that I have to take issue with in this story is the condition that your wife is not "allowed" to develop feelings of love for another woman, but is allowed to have physical relations with another woman. How can you stop yourself from falling in love with someone? You have to have some sort of affection in order for there to be physical attraction on some level and sometimes, even without knowing it love can take hold even if you don't want it to, or mean for it to, and not just with your wife...but with the other woman as well. I find that playing with fire a bit. And this is exactly why I personally find the idea ill advised if you hope to be her only love forever and always. The only situations in which this might happen and it not be an issue is in a poly relationship- which is pretty open for both parties. This of course is just my opinion on the matter, but as a bisexual woman who can appreciate my own gender from a distance, I have limits for myself in the relationship I have to prevent anything from destroying the wonderful marriage I have with my husband...equally so I'd never put myself in a situation with another man that might harm the marriage I have as well. For me it's monogamy all the way, no matter if my partner is a man or a woman.

Help please how to handle her ? we are going to get married and first i have found out that she like girls aswell and just to test her interest i asked her if she gets a choice to select one person from male and female for sex so what will be her choice she said female outright and today i was just testing her like what more in her mind as a fantasy so she came up with ********* idea 2 males and she :( now i am totally messed up in my mind on the other hand she don't like to get into these things coz she told me that our relation life are more important then these fantasies and she love me i know but again what :(
any suggestions please brake up or continue if continue then how :( i am already divorced once so i am depressed about this scenario please help

Sorry bout your previous..... But ride it out laterally! # Good luck my brother

Hello i need help please advice, actually i have got a girl friend she is 25 and we will be getting married 2 days ago she gave me a sign about liking some girl so i opened up her about that side she said that she never had any relationship with a girl or a guy due to her circumstances and that she likes me like anything as well as girls and she likes to have sex with girl more than a guy what does it mean :( now i am totaly confused she wants to spend life with me and she has that bi side aswell :( i am a straight guy i am thinking about breaking up the relationship :( coz if iget marry then i will be facing the same scenarios like other guys have mentioned above i am totaly confused please help

thank you for posting this i feel like i'm less alone in my experience .....THANK YOU.

My wife of 28 years just came out to me - I've always known she was at least a little bi, but she's only admitted it now. Really weird feelings for me. Sex has never been better - I've been laid at least 30 times this week..gotta start keeping records. Just today I got head, did her on top, bottom, and side to side. And then we just did it on the beach, then in a hot tub. It's like she's in heat and right now I'm just having a great time. And she gets incredibly wild when i whisper fantasies in her ear about future lesbian encounters.<br />
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Now the dark side. I sit here wondering if I did something wrong? Why, even seeing the signs early in our relationship, did I continue like everything was ok? It's like my whole life has been a lie - the bisexuality explains a lot - she was never overly affectionate, never felt comfortable dressing up for nights out (would rather wear jeans and tennis shoes), never liked perfume. But she was also never overtly butch-like. And sex has always been frequent and phenomenal. At this point I'm wondering if her next confession is going to be she's actually full-out lesbian not just bi. <br />
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Personally, like a lot of guys on the site I'm ok with her doing another girl. I want nothing to do with it other than hear the stories. So what are my choices now? Leave my 30 year relationship, 3 kids, start over? Or ride this and think it's just a new side to our sex? Really not a choice i ever wanted to make...

This is ridiculous. All of you... if my bi wife #%*s another woman, then I'm going to either #*%! another woman and satisfy my own carnal heterosexual desires, or I'm getting rid of her. How the hell is it fair for a wife of girlfriend to "explore" her desires, but I can't? I don't care WHAT kind of 'sexual she is... if she is with someone else she is cheating, and WE will cheat until I'm tired of her and she's fired. What, just because your chick is lez she gets a free pass to cheat? Ridiculous. And the only way a ********* works is if I'm the orchestrator. I'm grabbing both ladies hair and pushing people around. Just watch? Are you nuts? I AM a man, remember? I'm running both chicks or they need to get the hell out of my house.

I am with this guy I have been with my wife for 15 years we have 5 kids about 5 years ago she tells me she is in to chicks ok so she is bi 5 months ago she tells me she is not just bi but gay but it is different with me because the relationship we had leading up to her being honest with herself she had been on this .,#***web site that gave her all kinds of ideas these women are not supportive of a woman being monogamous but rather think it is ok if a woman is bi to have a lover and it is not cheating unless she is with another guy. Are you kidding me well if that's the case well I am straight so I should be able to have one as well long story short if she is to be with another woman you better bet your a** I will be there . With rope

I've been married to my wife now for 19 years and have been together for 24. We have had 4 fantastic children and live a good life...I think. Since we met I had a feeling that I couldn't shake about her bisexual nature. Two years ago we were making love when she mentioned a fantasy about another woman and her aura and humidity level went off the charts. Since that moment, our marriage hasn't been the same. She has completely opened herself about her need for another woman to have and hold among other things. She has even expressed openly an enounter she had with another woman and qualified it as a magical moment of deep spirituality that she has never felt before but want to live again. She says that she loves me and that I am the only person in her life that she wants to be with. But that doesn't make sense to me. I am really confused. <br />
We tried the swinger thing and quickly realised that all the other couples wanted was the biwife to play with. So the frustration of always being excluded hasn't solved anything in that solution. We tried ********** but again, the level of energy and intensity pointed that nothing else in the world seem to exist except that moment in time between her and the other woman. Isn't that supposed to be the same with married couples? My question is, do we still have a marriage at all? She says she is mixed up and needs to do some cleaning. What kind of cleaning? Ahh living with a biwife is more complicated than running a multi-million dollar business. lol HELP!!!

I appreciate your comments. My wife of over 20 years has at times mentioned that she would want to have a relationship with another woman. I am very open to it as we have a strong relationship, good sex life, etc. and I want her to experience this aspect of her life. Obviously there is probably some risk involved, but as mentioned, I think she needs to experience this side of her. She is totally devoted to me and has been there as a friend, lover, and everything. I don't believe it will interfere with our life. Last, I agree it does make things a bit more complicated. Please reply as this moves forward with you and I will do the same.

i think you can enjoy ur life with ur woman,if u feel goooood

I am a 26yr old BI CURIOUS WOMAN, I SAY THIS BECAUSE i have yet to have any sexual relations with a woman. I have recently gotten a girlfriend. I am also married to a man an have been for 6yrs. Hopefully this site an these stories will help me along my journey.. If u have any advice feel free to let me kno! Thank you!

For most of my life I lived a poly lifestyle. Sexual relations were normal among friends, couples, & more. Most of my friends were Bi. Eight years ago I met & married a wonderful, beautiful woman and we decided that the open lifestyle wasn't for us & we vowed to be monogamous. Life has been better than good.<br />
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I love this woman with every fiber of my being. If anything, I love her too much as I can't seem to deny her anything.<br />
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Recently she acknowledged her bi desire for a friend of ours. The friend is a lesbian and had the same desire for my wife. They have since made love twice, once with third woman who is also a love of our friend. I have not been with any other lovers or with them.<br />
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My wife loves me. She has no desire to leave me or have another man. I know this and am comfortable with that fact. Yet, for the last two nights I have been haunted with nightmares of my love telling me our marriage is over.<br />
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Perhaps it is just the change in our life, perhaps it is the memories of watching other seemingly strong marriages fail under similar circumstances, (though certainly not all, or even half). It may be that as I've grown older & less capable, I am feeling mortality stalking me. Either way, I need to get over this before *I* cause my dreams to come true.

My wife and I are very clear on our stance on cheating. Alot of other people dont understand that for me to be with another woman would be cheating on her and for her to be with another man would be cheating on me. She wants no relationship with a woman, only a friend with benefits. We dont have **********, and neither of us really has a desire to be with anyone else of the opposite sex. She is bisexual but I am not. It all sounds confusing but we have that understanding between us. The sad part is that my wife has no sexual desire at all due to illness and medications, so we dont have sex at all much anymore. Now thats not fair....but I just have to live with it.

I'm want to be respectful of these comments, but you are saying she wants to be with her girlfriend but not you, and that is because of some medication she is taking? There are no medications you can take to make you a lesbian. DTMFA

My wife doesnt meet with other women anymore. She is bi-sexual and she still likes to look and fantasize, but she doesnt have a desire to actually be with another woman anymore.

Gees, I have wished for a fully bisexual wife for years. I have no problem sharing her with other women as long as she adhears to rules like never falling in love with them and always being there for me and being an appropriate wife. How do you guys meet these women? All I get is boring conservatives! A bi girl would be the perfect match for me! Send them my way!

so as I am reading these comments, I wonder how would all these women feel if they were married to a bisexual man? Most men have streak of bisexuality in them as well but they don't feel the need to express it, at least openly. so I cant help to wonder why the double standard ladies? I love to hear your views specially the women here and the men a well.

I am very happy, we are going to work this out and will be meeting with a counselor who is an expert in polyamory.<br />
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Cheers!<br />
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Jackal

Thanks for the advice Joe and Bonnie! <br />
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Looks like we are both willing to work this thing out. My wife has agreed to not try to date my half sister and I agreed to be supportive and help her work through her her bi-curiousity. BTW, she has no problem with me also having a playmate, but I want to take everything very slowly and work on our relationship first before involving others. I love her more and more every day, even after 13 years.<br />
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Cheers!

I am not permitted to be with other women myself, and she doesnt wish to be with another man. I am only allowed to join in if it is my wife that I have sex with and not the other woman. I will admit that its been an adjustment, and not always an easy one, but we set the ground rules and we trust each other to stick by them. Right now though, my wife has no sexual desire whatsoever and so she is not sexual with me or anyone else. I have been told that it isnt fair to me....the rules or the lack of sex.....but I love my wife and I know she loves me. We got married for alot more reasons than sex, and that has been the only real problem for us (the fact that we arent sexually intimate together).

You ****** yourself up right from the jump. Either gratification outside of the marriage is ok, or it isn't.

My bi-curious wife of 13 years wants to have a relationship with my 20 year old lesbian half sister that she fell in love with. We have two children and I strongly ob<x>jected to such an arrangement. This is tearing our marriage apart and I am thinking of divorce. She tells me she does not just want sex, which is worse for me, as she says she is looking for a loving relationship with my sister or other women. I should be happy I guess that she does not want other men but I still feel devastated over the situation. To make matters worse she does not want me involved in any way with her partners. I told her that I need time to adjust and see if I can cope with my wife dating other women but that her dating my sister is completely out of the question. I don’t know what to do, I love her very much, and hope we can work this out. She tells me she wants no other man but this does not make me feel better.<br />
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Your help appreciated!

I am a bi sexual female. I solved this problem bi training my het BF into bi experience and desire.

Thats how I saw it....she is who she is, she cant help being bi, and It is not my place to require "change" from her.

I really like what every one here has to say on the subject. It has helped me out tremendously i am anxious on this day because my wife has never been with a women. She went to Maine with her friend whom she came out to. Don't know if she plans on hooking up with her or somebody else. kind of hope she does so we can take the next step in are relationship. In a way i think it is unfair to me that she gets to have sex with other people besides me but if it is something she wants to pursue we have decided that she will find a girlfriend that does not mind my involvement