What Do I Do Now?

my wife and i married about a year and a half ago. before we married, we discussed sex history, likes, dislikes, wants etc. she told me about some past experiences with ladies. most of them were 3somes with her ex, but a couple were solo. i told her the idea turned me on. but she said that "u don't do 3somes with someone you really love", she also said she was done with that, meaning she wasn't into women anymore, at least not enough to engage sexually. fast forward to a week and a half ago. she got a new cell phone. my cell phone was a piece of crap, so i decided to take her old one. she was fine with that. one morning i took the phone to work, after i told her the night before that it would be a good idea for her to go through it and erase anything that could be misleading or cause confusion. needless to say she didn't heed my words. while sitting at work and going through the phone, i discovered that about a month and a half ago she and her best friend engaged in some *****-play. my wife went down on her. told her that she had been attracted to her sexually since last august (same month as our first anniversary). i had had suspicions for a while but was always made to feel like i was the biggest jerk and insecure for even thinking such things. when i called and confronted her she lied, and lied. i called her friend, she lied. eventually the story i got was that it happened one time for a cpl minutes one morning at the movie theater where they both worked..she begged me not to leave. when i told her that the only way i would consider staying is if she just told the whole truth. seems that it happened the night before also. she says she was scared to tell me, but figured i was leaving anyway so why not tell me the whole truth. my wife says she was the aggressor, it took some prodding on several occasions to get her friend to let her have her way. my wife says she likes to eat *****, and only approached the friend because she knew she would eventually let her. we talked and talked that night. i was turned on by the idea of my wife liking *****..thought it could open some new doors for us as a cpl, and me as an individual, having never been in this type of relationship. she told me that her relationship with her friend was akward now. that after she satisfied her urge to lick *****, she didn't feel the same about her friend. her friend told me she didn't want any problems so she was going to stay away. now i find that they are talking to and texting eachother. what do i do?

dzbuccs dzbuccs
36-40, M
6 Responses Feb 13, 2010

Like someone else said your wife wasn't honest with you in the first place. My Gf is bi & she told me about that within the first week we met. No one should hide that kind of secret from someone you love. I'm not saying that this can't be worked out between you two but if you feel like you can't trust her & she keeps lieing to you then sadly it's time to walk away.

I think you are off ba<x>se threatening and trying to force her to tell all. Keep talking with your wife let her know that you love her and support her in her endeavors to explore. She has to know that you are alright with where ever this adventure takes both of you. Keep gently encouraging her to explore and share her feeling with you. In this type of situation TRUST in each other is the most important part of being open about your sexual desires. Stop trying to PUSH open other doors. Part of the reason she may not be sharing with you is that she is afraid that you want to use the information to force her into something she is not ready for.Keep assuring her that you will not use anything she shares with you against her.

She's gotta go!<br />
My wife has had sex with her best friend on 2 occasions. Once with a third girl. Here is the difference: I knew about both events. Ahead of time. Even then I have suffered some pains from it.<br />
<br />
Truth & honesty is your only hope.

I agree with the others, the issue is of TRUST, you can't trust her, she doesn't trust you. The relationship is most likely damaged beyond repair. Trust is incredibly, I venture to say, impossible to regain after it's lost. But consider this; you knew there were things on that phone you didn't want to know about, she knew there were things she didn't want you to know about there too. So maybe she did want you to know. My husband and I started out our bisexual exploration by watching **** together, MAYBE she didn't know how to broach the subject so she "let you find out" It's tough to tell your husband that you might be interested in sex with women, maybe some ground rules and some honest "what does this woman mean to you?" can help you find out if you still have a future.

Do not have children with this woman. She is an adulterous ****. If I was you I would get her to set as many 3 ways as I could stand and then kick her *** to the curb. She's not wife/mother material she's fuckbuddy material only. Use her and then lose her. When you're done ******* around find a good, faithful woman to start a family with and not a *****.

Wow that is a lot. The problem is that your wife didn't seem to find the courage to tell you which is part of the marriage: honesty. She really needs to be honest with herself AND you and really figure out if she's bi. Then, you have to decide if being with her is still the right thing for you. As for her friend, I think your wife maybe panicked and didn't know how to be friends with the other gal or she didn't want to lose you so she lied. When people see they're losing something dear to them, they'll go to extremes to keep it. Perhaps your wife wants to be friends with her again. Perhaps her friend has discovered she likes women. Again the problem is you're being left out and she not giving you the honesty you deserve. You need to talk it out and let her know the lying has to stop or you're gone for good. She owes you that.