Living In A World Of Pain

I've known my husband since 10th grade. When we first started talking he was very self-centered, emotionally unavailable and promiscuous. I figured it was just because of his age and eventually the relationship went nowhere. 3 years later, I ran into him again on campus. He gave me his number and it took me a month to call because I was afraid he would still be the same way he was in high school. We ended up developing a sexual relationship that was headed nowhere. That went on for about 2 years before I became tired of being hurt. I stopped talking to him and tried to move on with my life, I wasn't going to settle for just a sexual, one-sided relationship. I went a few months without talking to him or answering his calls and when I did answer I would decline his requests to come over late at night. After a few months of that he seemed to turn into Prince Charming! He apologized for the way he treated me in the past and said that he had realized that I am the woman he wants to be with. It was unbelievable! We went everywhere and did everything together. He was caring, attentive and very romantic. Everything I had dreamed of. I ended up finding out I was pregnant 2 days after we moved in together. Once I began showing everything changed. He stopped coming home at night and I kept catching him cheating. He became very emotionally and verbally abusive and whenever I tried to talk to him about it he dismissed my feelings and assured me everything was in my head and I was over reacting. The cheating got worse and worse. He was sleeping with so many women that I lost count. He became very evil and I was constantly left home alone with our child as he ran the streets with his friends and slept with other women. I was crushed, my world was turned upside down and I couldn't get a grip. When our child turned 10 months I decided I had enough and started looking for places to move. I found a place and sat down with him to explain to him that I was leaving. He said ok, when I came back to get my things he told me he couldn't let me leave and we ended up sleeping together. I became pregnant with twins! I was doomed. I had no way to take care of three small children without any help. So I stayed. We ended up getting married and the cheating came back with a vengeance. I was finding out about women left and right. The emotional and verbal abuse got worse as well. I took my children and moved into a house. He's been in and out of our lives with broken promises for the last 3 years. We are coming up on our 4th anniversary and this marriage hasn't been a marriage at all. He was put out of his place so I've let him move in here, but the disrespect and abuse is too much to deal with. He's had two affairs since he's been here. Telling these women that him and I are simply "roommates". I want him to leave, but he won't stay away for longer than a few days and talks about divorce every other day. Whenever I try to put my foot down and set him free... He finds an excuse to come back. This is so hard because I'm still in love with him. How can I love someone who treats me like crap? What do I do? How do I get out of this?
Valq Valq
26-30, F
Dec 2, 2012