Everybody Shuts The Door In My Face... :(

My husband's drug problem + puting his mommy before me and the kids have made us drift apart a lot.
It has slowly been escalating from verbal abuse to psychological and physical abuse and death threats.
Before it got to domestic violence I called his parents and had an intervention (that was months ago) and it didn't work since his parents weren't interested enough and even gave him back the drugs that I found and gave to them (during that time we were living together but disconnected from each other as he used his drug, payed attention to mommy dearest and I had a lover .... Second intervention was last week when he got so angry and tried to choke me and even hurt me when I was with feeding the kids... I called my aunt which is a lawyer to have him removed from our home and taken to his parents' house because he was becoming a danger for me and the kids.
His family falls for this drug addict's manipulations and blame his addiction on me (funny thing to blame me when 1. his friends are drug addicts, 2. he said himself that he used drugs before marrying me and 3. he said he will never stop)
worst of all is that he doesn't even remembers what he says or does when the substance is out of his system and he is still in denial mode stating that he does not have an addiction problem.
Well now my aunt and rest of my side of the family who decided to help are shutting the door in my face, I understand it, since dealing with a drug addict is very exhausting. From his side of the family, the parent couldn't care less and I im 100% sure his mommy is happy to have him back for herself and his sister who was willing to help has turned her back now.

I feel so alone even though these people are somewhat involved or they like to say they are involved. I don't want to lose him and i had hopes that his parents would help him recognize he has an addiction problem and get him help but it's all in vain. I love him but I can't take him back if he's not going to clean himself. I miss him so much and cry myself to sleep.
CinnamonCake CinnamonCake
31-35, F
3 Responses Jan 7, 2013

I am in the same situation. We were addicts together for one year. I got clean and stayed clean for 8+ years. He relapsed twice..but was currently 3+years clean. In those3 years we had 2 beautiful babies. Shortly after our daughter was born..i found drugs..and have caught him several times since. He barely pays bills now..and he is soo mean all we do is fight. Well 5 days ago he gave me a black eye. My 3 yr. Olds behavior is off the wall. I know its over..he is in denial and lies all the time. It kills me everyday. You CANNOT change him..all ur love and care will not matter...he needs to hit the bottom..have a life changing experience. Take it from a sober addict. All we are doing is loving them to their death..Id love to chat.

thanks Clind... i know, it's been a month since i kicked him out of the house and he still does not admit he has a problem... and worse of all, he is getting more and more attached to his mommy's ***!. urgh! it's disgusting!

My inlaws sound like yours. They blame me for their son's addiction. They won't get in therapy. They would not help with intervention. They are a sick, codependent family that is in denial. My MIL and FIL also likes= that he is addicted I think. That way, he is still under thier controlling thumb. SICK! You sound like you are trying to get yourself healthy. That is all you can do and should do for your children. Leave the sick enablers alone. They can deal with his crazy drug addicted issues. They can see all that you have done to try to help him.

it's disgusting, let me tell you.
You know what's the worst part? he's got everybody convinced that I got to let him hang out with (bad influence) friends, that I got to change my personality and that I even got to change my CLOTHES! lol...funny thing is MIL and FIL have always wanted me to change everything about me cause I'm the only one in the famiky who doesn't do what they say or pay attention to their batsh*t craziness.

You don't deserve that.i understand it hurts but u have babies that will ALWAYS love you..don't take a chance where you could be taken away from your kids...meaning he actually goes to that extent...stay strong for your babies...they need you...if you need someone to talk to I'm here..

oh sweetie thank you a lot! :) ... my plan A was for his family to help realize what he's doing and get put him on rehab and then when he gets better have permanent anti-doping tests ..but this is not happening... my Plan B sadly is to have an amicable divorce.... you have no idea how I am fighting to achieve Plan A, I'm tired and sick.... it just doesn't get in my brain what kind of parents does he have?? it's their son, they should fight to save him not let him drown :( but I can't do it on my own or else he will drown me and the kids with him.

What about just skipping to plan b

I want to help him because when he is not under the influence he is the sweetest loving person ever... i just feel bad for him. We're currently separated as i can't have him here, you know.

I got my husband into rehab by myself. He was hitting bottom though (I hope). It was only after the hospital confirmed that he had cocaine in his system. I have since found out that he was about to go into cardiac arrest that day also. The craziest thing is the hospital sent him home with me. He was also suicidal. Ugh.

Anyhow, can you buy one of those at home drug tests. Maybe if you catch him he would go. Mine would not got to an inpatient place, which ended up being a blessing. They are SO EXPENSIVE. He did an outpatient program. He could still work part-time hours and see the kids. He thinks in the long run that it was better because the inpatient places are vacations. Once people come home all the old habits/triggers face them. At least through and outpatient place, he had to deal with the habits/triggers at home head one as soon as he started his sobriety. It sounds like we are married to the same guy - totally sweet, crazy drug addict. :)

One last thing, can you check out an alanon meeting? I have been going. They are my lifeline. Tons of people living through what we are and they have wisdom that is priceless. They hug you. They don't judge. They have worse stories sometimes. It makes me feel not alone.

thanks Snow, i'll check it out :)
currently I started seeing a therapist yesterday ..as you know, sometimes I feel this is way too much to handle and i think it even takes a toll on our health.

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