I Hate My Husband For His Choices

my husband is addicted to marijuana, in the four years we've been together i've never seen him more then a day sober. not only does he smoke, he grows, and sells. I feel disgusted with my husband for choosing his addiction over his three children and myself. he smokes 3-6 bowls daily. he refuses to realize he has a problem. to top it off, he is a compulsive liar and sneaks out to go drink with college kids (he's also an alcoholic). i have no idea if he has ever cheated on me. i no longer believe anything that comes out of this mans mouth. the only thing that is important to him are his material conquests and how cool everyone thinks he is for dealing drugs.  i told him i want a divorce and he thinks i should stay together for the children, even though he is NEVER home. My life has become a cruel joke. with thoughts of a raid at any moment, or him ending up in prison. he tells me i'm controling when i ask him to quit the drugs and alcohol. he says i hate him when i ask him to stay home with us. hopefully it wont be too late for our marriage if he ever decides to get help.

e123vg e123vg
22-25, F
2 Responses Mar 1, 2009

so sorry, your story sounds so very similar to mine. I too am married to a man who is addicted to marijuana, yet thinks he isn't. We have 3 children also- boys, one of which is 14 and old enough to know exactly what he does when he steps out in the garage 4 -6 times on a Saturday afternoon/night. Not to mention he keeps his para all around, small seeds all over my counter etc, I HATE IT!!! He is such a smart successful man, however this addition has full control of him. I am unhappy, he complains that I am controlling or shall I say surveiling him because I am always questioning his where abouts. But that is because I can't trust or believe anything he says. He has gone out in the snow (State of Emergency) to "collect his stuff". I am ashamed, and it is making me fall all the way out of love with him. I don't kiss him because I hate the smell ..((BTW he smokes cigs too...ilk) He always throws in my face that I too used to smoke, which I did-but we were younger without children and responsibilities. My argument is always "When u know better U do better". I am at my wits end, and I just feel so alone and confused. I know that everyone has vices - but I don't know if this is one I can live with. I mean are we gonna be 65 - and he's still sneaking around to get drugs??? wth

You describe a horrible existence and then say you hope that it isn't too late for your marriage.<br />
<br />
One might ask, "What marriage?"<br />
<br />
My husband was also addicted to marijuana and alcohol. He grew it as well. He went to rehab and then grew mushrooms.<br />
<br />
He died recently. He was on prescription medications and alcohol. He had become unbearable to live with. Noone could tell him he had a problem.<br />
<br />
Although I grieve his loss. He died many years ago.<br />
<br />
The fact of the matter was, he chose drugs over his family. He didn't want to. But, it was his choice. <br />
<br />
I don't know why he wasn't stronger. But, he wasn't. And, if I had waited for him to get better, I could have been destroyed as well.