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My Husband Is a Drug Addict

I have been married for a little over a year now, however my husband and
I have been separated for about 3months.  I will start
from the beginning, first, I am a Christian however my
husband is not, he was raised in church but refuses to live
right.  When I met my husband I knew that he had 
a drug problem he's had for over 20yrs, however he had started going to church occasionally and always said he
was trying to quit the drugs and he was going to conquer it and I married him anyway.  Well, after we said "I do"
the problem got worse, it was no more "I am trying to quit and I need your help" it turned out to "I am not ready and you are my wife and suppose to accept me the way I am!" and
"Okay Sis. Christian, do you ever pray for your husband"  He worked only to get high, I paid all of the bills. He ran off with our car several times and I had to pay the drug dealer to get it back.  Well I became pregnant,  during my pregnancy, my husband had to work because I was taken off work due to a high risk pregnancy...so he would pay half of the bills, just enough to where we weren't going to be evicted or power would be shut off and spent the rest getting high....However, he went on several binges and would fight me while I was pregnant when he would be "jonesing" and couldn't get to the drugs... he had many drug dealers come to my home and I did not feel safe there and didn't want my son coming home to that, so I moved out...Well, my husband and I had been talking and he promised me that when our son was born he was going to quit
all the drugs and do what he was suppose to except go to church...Well my son was born, the day after he was born, my husband was suppose to go pay the rent, well that day he
left the hospital, he never came back! He left me and my newborn son at the hospital, my mother had to come pick us up. Well now he is staying with some woman and my son and I
live with my mom.  My son is two months old now and my husband has yet to do anything for him..He will call every once in a while and ask about him or he will pop up at church after service has ended and ask to hold our son....When he does call he says he does not want a divorce, but he is not willing to change, he keeps saying he
is not ready, my husband is 15yrs older than me, when will he be ready...I do not want my son being raised in drug
environment and I don't want him in a home where his parents have two totally different views on life...I just don't know what to do...I know that I need to trust God and I don't
need to give in to what my husband wants...He is living with this woman, claiming that he is trying to save up money for us to get a home, however he is still using drugs and has
clearly let me know that if we did get a place nothing will change except now our son is in the home in the midst of the chaos...I mean, do I move back in a home with him knowing where he stands?  I know what the Bible says about divorce...Do I really have to stay married to this man that refuses to change, that only thinks of himself...How long do I have to wait


 

beanie09 beanie09 26-30, F 8 Responses Oct 6, 2009

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dearest beanie09,
My most sincere love and support for what you have endured. Unless you have traveled the same roads a person could not possibly have any clue as to the humiliation, guilt, and horrific pain ,along with the swell of emotion that families , spouses endure . The emotional roller-coaster is one of untold tramas that remain unforgettable. I am sad to say that I am in a similar "boat" as you have found yourself. The truth is drug usage starts for many reasons. There is Hope for both our families. I left my husband earlier this year with the declaration " God , Father, I refuse to beg, or ask , or beat myself up over this another day! This is completely in Your hands! I am Not going to speak to my love at all ! I want a right life with you ! I want to spend time with You Jesus! Your in control and I accept that your able to do what you please. whatever is your perfect will." after this the initial weeks were so difficult at times. But I stayed my course. I refused to do anything but learn to worship and be thankful and I spent lots of time alone in prayer and in the word of God. I actually moved 2 hours away and started dedicating my time to pursuing God with Intent. Again every time the swell of emotion came I just stood with absolute Resolve and declared out loud as loud as I could .. my whole heart RESOLVED. that "GOD HAD CONTROL" and I accepted HIS PLAN and NOT mine. sounds simple enough but you would be surprised at how weak your knees feel under the burden of depression.. it's thick heaviness draping over your very soul threatening to drown out any embers of light . Somehow living with a spouse who has severe addictions (whatever they may be) leaves us swarming in a sea of emotion that can drown out everything else. Even who we are. our hopes and dreams. A level of anger mingled with bitterness and rejection... you don't love us or you would just stop using! hiding atm cards and checks. never keeping cash ... making sure you never have anything that can be "hocked" ... we learn to question every word and action... we start looking at phone messages and any ridiculous story our loved one tries to sell us. we embrace the " I am not a fool!!" and begin to say things like" your a jerk " or worse! Things we speak ... to other's about our spouses conduct .."he or she never.. or he or she always.." before long we are all but swept out to the depths of the "negative thinking" sea's... without a hope. We start blaming ourself. If we had just waited to get married. If we had not been so "gullible" so "trusting" . The ugly truth is that we are gentle , kind, forgiving, compassionate soul's. Who would rather prefer to give people we love the benefit of the doubt and look at the best qualitie's they have. Sure we get blind-sided. But whatever the outcome , whether our husband's choose to hear the precious lord and be drawn back to a forever beautiful life, or whether God allows them to to go their own way... we must try to put the part of us back which has been lost.. The sweet and innocent child like trust we once held dear , to see flawed humanity through a heart of purity is not a bad thing in itself. So we can NOT lose that to the depravity of drugs and alcohol. Let Go and Let God. He does still rescue huni. As to the question you ask about divorce ,biblical grounds are there. I would pray about it, talk to your pastor . Seek counseling . Read about the effects of divorce . Read about the effects of living with addiction. Go to Na for family member's with spouse's with spouse's who abuse. The biggest thing you can do immediately is find healing for your own heart. I know it is broken. Meanwhile do something for your heart to heal ... just sing . simple.. but you will find that just singing has a lot of healing in it. For me, my husband was driving along the road , he had just stolen a wallet of a woman at a store for who knows what , (we had been separated for 2 months) in that time I told you I let go and let God do His will not mine. My hubby broke down and really prayed... he felt and heard the voice of God tell him to make it right .. and God told him he would help him and that I had already forgiven him." We are back together , he is actively working on his relationship with Jesus and with his family . He actually is holding a good job down as well. Saying a LOT seeing he was a very big heroin junky . I still have days that I question things. I know its just me , I am working toward trust. yes I still hide my atm card. I still get upset with him over what he is doing some days. For instance a few days ago he said he was going one place , he ended up in a city over ( where his ex- drug connection lives) immediately I grew upset , until I heard a guy in the truck with him talking . Turns out my hubby had picked up a guy who's car broke down . A Christian man who ran a homeless food distribution, something near and dear to my own heart . What I am saying here is that even if God delivers a miracle to you... don't be too dismayed at yourself for having setbacks in your own mind for a bit. And if God gives you a clean out...then cling to Jesus like never before. And before you make another leap... Read a lot... on healthy relationships, go to counseling( I know but it helps to learn about you!) learn yourself.. love who you are...much love .... esbella85

1 Corinthians 7:15 ESV / 67 helpful votes<br />
<br />
But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.

Matthew 19:9 ESV / 146 helpful votes

And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”

This is why the bible says not to marry unless you are unequally yoked. Youmarried him knowing he was an addict and not a Christian. Your marriage vvowels were not to your husband they were you promising God that you would be there for your husband through the good and the bad. The bible says God hates divorce but if your husband chooses to leave then let him leave and if he cheats then it is ok to divorce him. God wants you to be happy, he loves you. Hope this helps.

Sorry it is suppose to say equally yolked

No for your sons sake. Child protective service can and will take your son out of your home if they think he is in danger. I had to talk to them about my own two daughters. My husband is a food addict. At one point he weighted well over 550 lbs at 6'3. Between with draws and his binges, he was extremely hard to deal with. Impossible some times. He was emotionally, physically, and verbally abusive. When we were dating it was a whole different story. He was everything I could ever ask for. But it all ended two years ago and 10months of that is us being seperated. The church, however, has made me feel like God enjoys watching all of this from the side lines. I know he's not,but it has come to my attention by several women and even the pastor, that divorce is never an option. In fact to further discourage me, the pastor of my church gave me a statistical response. "your girls are less likely to grow up loving God in a single parent home." and" if you do divorce, I garentee that next year you will in my office pregnant and alone".....but the women of this churçh affirmed this statement by making comments like " under no circumstance is divorce an option." and "if you looking for someone tell u to divorce your husband, your not going to get that here. We have no more advice for you." I cry on a regular basis about God putting me here as a women with no options. And no hope. Jesus is suppose to be the hope for the hopeless. I am not sure but I have seen it in other peoples life

God Loves Us!<br />
I don't believe God wants us to suffer in drug addiction marriages.<br />
Jesus Christ Died for ALL OUR SINS.<br />
He Has Already Forgiven us our Divorces.

im going through the same thing we been married for over 5 years and im a christian woman ,at the begining he pretend to love the lord but he was still doing drugs.we been seperated 3 times and i kno what the bible said about forgivenes so i let him come back just to discover that hes doing drugs everyday.he knew we were suppost to pay the house but he spent the money on drugs.i just made a descision today that enough is enough and i kicked him out the house.and i feel peace from god cause i was living in fear.cause he was violent and aggresive.and i know the lord has a new begining for me as he has for you(: god bless you.

Junkies don't bounce till they hit the ground.

You need to think of your son first , what example of is he recieving about being a man, if he sees his mother accept this treatment what message is that giving him. What you do is just as important to him as what if father is doing. It is not an easy decision most important ones aren't , but I think you already know what you have to do. I truly wish you well ,it is not an easy road you will have to travel but if it saves your son wouldnt it be worth it ? *hugs* good luck sweetheart :)