Love Is Weird

We started talking over 3 years ago. We had a lot in common- including liking women. Maybe it was the fact that we knew we wouldn't date that let us feel so at ease with one another. We grew closer and closer until we had to meet and find out if our feelings were real. We did, and found that it was better then either of us had dared to hope. She managed to love me despite the penis.

Shortly after that, we got married and we have never been happier.
GuardianBlack GuardianBlack
36-40, M
14 Responses Feb 16, 2007

Glad to see someone else has the same feelings. I am involved with a woman currently who says she is bisexual but has told me i am the only man she is even willing to take a chance with. She is currently in love with a woman who is a lesbian. Not only am i comfortable with this but i encourge her. It is about wanting your love to be happy, satisfied and fufilled. Labels and views are something society has tryed to define there is no defintion for "true love". It goes beyond any label, view, or simple answer.

Well, may you hold your world together SavingMyself and thoroughly be fulfilled.<br />
GuardianBlack talks about their sex life but thats only a minor hurdle you will have to cross.<br />
As far as his wife's "terrible taste in women" I had to smile. Perhaps her choice of partners is different to what yours may be. And this represents the core of the situation. You can no longer influence what she may or may not like, desire or appreciate - apart from her love and respect for you. Cold hard fact.<br />
Gay people live a different lifestyle to straight people. If you dont appreciate that fact, then your relationship will fail.<br />
There are nice lesbians - there are not so nice lesbians.<br />
There are stunning lesbians - there are not so stunning lesbians. Not too different to the straight world. Your wife will desire some from every one of those groups and you must support her and sometimes allow her to rest on your shoulder in the depths of sapphic despair.<br />
The moment you think that whatever she has done compromises her love for you, then youre in trouble.<br />
You no longer own this woman - forget the vows. Youre someplace very different now.<br />
SavingMyself, I must sincerely say even after all these years, I dont understand lesbians - and thats not criticism. Im simply not gay myself.<br />
I may understand my wife's overall needs and why certain things happen, but ...<br />
The most tenuous times for me has been when my wife forms a deep friendship with other women - not when she has a new lover or waves the pride flag at Mardi Gras or falls in love - strange isnt it?.<br />
The bottom line is frank and extremely open communication. There are dozens of hurdles to climb over as you truly form a workable relationship, but if you both have the commitment, you simply talk and cry through it and wake up smiling at each other.<br />
It becomes the reality of allowing my wife to participate in the lesbian world as she wishes. Then allow her to return without fear. It is up to her to make that world fit with our world.<br />
This doesnt mean I am just a safe house - completely the opposite. I demand more communication and truthfullness than if I was married to a hetro woman - certainly a bi woman.<br />
I dont need to know every tiny details. Mainly that she is doing ok and the worlds are treating her ok. I certainly know when she has had a new lover. She talks me to death and then ***** me to death - an emotional high.<br />
I definitively know also that she describes her situation with me very clearly at the start of any new interaction with anyone else. As she says, then its up to the other person to decide if they can handl that. It doesnt seem to have dompromised her lesbian world apart from the really hard core group.<br />
As I said, manage your relationships. Hope this helps.<br />
SavingMyself, dont "shrivel" in your relationships. Make sure you flourish ok

Thanks fungirlmmm!

Thanks! We don't really need to deal with anything, at least not so far. Our sex life is a lot of fun. I suspect that after a while she might be interested in doing something with a woman again, and I've told her that if she feels she needs to then we can talk about it. And that I get a say in it because she has had terrible taste in women ;) But at the same time she has said she does not want me with anyone else so, so that might keep her from taking me up on that. But it has not come up and maybe won't ever. Until it does we just have to be content with being together and not worrying about what could happen.

I am so happy for you. I missed this post earlier but it is beautiful.

That's exactly what my friend says [the part about ********** and lesbian **** movies]. So, I think you and your wife are much more evolved. She looked beyond your anatomy and saw the person. I strongly believe that's how my friend married a man as well. So, more power to you! I'm happy that you've found your soul mate, and your wife found hers. That's rare. It's too bad we have to label everyone and put them into categories. We're all people, but we forget that. often.

Hey there. I have been married to a gay lady for many years.<br />
There are some very astute people on this forum including Reina01 and Albnative, amongst others Im sure.<br />
Forget labels - the need for them is a dreadful human failing.<br />
And yes Albnative, my wife has evolved past the generic lesbian requirements of dress, manner, preferences and lifestyles.<br />
Mind you, it has been a very rocky road at times.<br />
We are deeply and sincerely in love. We respect each other above all other things.<br />
Yes we do have sex. Yes she does enjoy the mechanisms of intimate experiences with me despite her obvious preference. Yes we do have an open relationship - there is no choice really. Yes she has had strong relationships with many amazingly beautiful women. Yes she is very much in love with a lady. And yes I do have intimate lady friends as well. Yes we both tresure our own space. Yes we realise each other as individuals, not possessions. Yes she loves women probably more than I do. And yes she is drop-dead gorgeous.<br />
No Im not gay or bisexual.<br />
No we dont do jealousy. <br />
No Im not a cuckold.<br />
If the woman in particular can grow through the dreadful peer pressure to conform to what a lesbian "is supposed to be like" and the man can be patient and dont immediately think of ********** like the "lesbian" **** movies, then they have a chance.<br />
Sorry, I dont know how else to put many many years of learning.<br />
The key is simple - manage your relationship.

GB, I have a lesbian friend who married a man. I thought and still think she's more evolved than most of us. She looked beyond the outside and fell in love with the person. Great story.

I'm glad that the two of you have found love and happiness together.

Love isn't so weird. LABELS are weird. I understand your offense at sturmbringener's post, but I also understand his confusion, because one of my last thoughts to your post was likewise, "wait, they don't do it?" LoL, sorry.<br />
<br />
I congratulate the both of you (you & your wife) in finding love! & in being able to overcome this traditional obstacle of sexuality. Love is love.<br />
<br />
May I inquire... a few things, please?<br />
<br />
So... I identify myself as bisexual. I am attracted to both men & women... & I generally keep this part to myself, but I'm attracted to MOSTLY women... & i HATE penis. Furthermore, & this part I preach quite a bit, but I love PEOPLE for the individual person they are, the incredible human they are... Currently, I am in a new relationship with a boy I've pretty much been in love with for a whole year & who has liked me the whole time, too... (long story) ...He is the only boy I am seriously attracted to & the only boy whose FAULTS even, I have been completely enchanted by. I've never felt this strongly for ANYBODY before... BUT... just like the last (& first time) that I had a boyfriend, I worry that I am wasting my/his time & should only go for girls, because there is nothing in the female anatomy that puts me off, unlike with boys... & it isn't completely, u see. If I was completely disgusted by boys (or their penis), this wouldn't be a question, but... Help?

Sturmbringener- by that very narrow definition, you are assuming that someone that identifies as lesbian can never and will never have sex with or fall in love with a male. The fact is that she is attracted to women, with the sole exception being myself. I know a number of women that identify as lesbian but still occasionally try out dating a guy to see if there is any interest because they want to find someone they are happy with regardless of gender. <br />
<br />
You can take an absolutist position on what the label should be, but I've never been much impressed by people that needed to impose their definitions of the world on others.

. . . but if she's a Lesbian, how could she ever marry a man?<br />
<br />
Either she's bi (by default, at best) or the marriage has never been consummated - which means that, technically speaking, you're NOT married at all . . . <br />
<br />
. . . confusion . . . <br />
<br />
. . . sturmbringener . . .

I am. I did. marriage was consummated and then some. still going strong. still attracted to women but only to one man. I know if I wasn't married to him, I couldn't possibly be with another man. so that tells me I'm still a lesbian...who happened to fall in love with a man.

the owner of a heart
is chosen not by the carrier
any more than the spring
may surmise the painting inspired

proof of how strong love can be... best wishes on a great future!

It is great that you both worked it out. And it is much easier getting by knowing that she is a lesbian. You can talk and work things out. Hope things workout for you!