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I Married Because Of The Church

When I met my husband, we were friends. I was going through some hard times and he gave me stability. When he wanted more than friendship, I didn´t have the courage to reject him. So we lived together for a while. This didn´t go over well with my Christian background and eventually I married him, to become accepted within the Church again. He´s a good guy with a lot more integrity than me and we do get along. But, I never loved him. Our sex-life is full of difficulties. Since I once had a very powerful experience with a man that I really did love, I can not stop longing for the same again. I wonder if it would not be better to end the relationship, but I also don´t know if I´m just chasing an illusion. We´ve been together for more than 10 years now and there are times where I can live with the situation and times when I just want to leave. Besides, I have been unhappily in love with a married man for the last 5 years- meaning: He is always on my mind and in my phantasies, but that´s it. If there was the possibility of having an affair with that man, I know I would go for it.
Jaypanther Jaypanther 36-40, F 3 Responses Oct 6, 2011

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I understand...im marrying a man I don't love in a month for the exact same reason. I just could not stand to lose my large, close, conservative family. I would rather live forever with a man I don't love than to never see them again on the chance that I might one day meet and marry another who I do love. Also, there is no one in the world who knows I feel this way, except now for you people on the internet.

You're a terrible person. You're ******* around on your husband. In thought if not in deed. You blame the church directly after telling us how much you ****** up your own life until he came along and bailed your *** out.<br />
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Now? Now you want to get a ******* by some other guy and blame it all on someone else?<br />
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**** that and **** you ya self centered *****. How dare you? You deceived this man and now you want SYMPATHY? You want UNDERSTANDING?<br />
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You're a ******* victimizer.<br />
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*spit*<br />
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I'm done here.

what an interesting comment. What´s going on in me and my marriage isn´t at all the exception. And to be honest, my fantasies have improved the sex-life with my husband, so both of us are happier now. If you can be married to someone for 15 years, without ever thinking about someone else then feel free to judge, if not then grow up.

Your fantasies about another man have helped you have sex with a man you don't love... and this is your moral highground?

How dare YOU say such harsh, terrible, and undeserved words? Im trying to figure out your motive for spewing such ugly bile. All I can figure is that it really has nothing to do with the original post, since there is no way your comment could possibly be constructive due to being conveyed in such a hateful way that only a person without a shred of self respect would take it to heart. Im willing to bet that you would never say something like this to her face to face, and if you would then I really could not care less about what you think or have to say. Those are the consequences of being nasty, as evidently no one told you when you were 2 - people don't care to deal with you.

Would I say any of this to *her* face to face? No, I'd be busy telling all this to her *HUSBAND*. You remember that guy, right?

you know what sirrus? My husband already knows all of it! Because we are in fact friends who have the big advantage of being able to talk openly.

Told him you fantasize about other men during sex because you don't find him sexually attractive enough and given the opportunity you'd **** around on him at the drop of a hat? Well, there ya go.

not all people are so narrow-minded, some can actually face reality. Because in 80 percent of long-term relationships this is what happens. Some dare to talk about it, most people don´t. But very few couples don´t fantasize about someone else ever once in a while. It can be fun if you do it together in a role-game.

80% of long term relationships are made up of couples where one would cheat on the other at the drop of a hat? ooookay.

oh come on, this is your interpretation of me and what I said. In 14 years with my husband I never even touched another man and not because of lack of opportunity

No, that's what *you said*.

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You need to satisfy your sexual needs and desires. Have you discussed your sexual frustration with him? I am guessing it is a subject neither of you would be comfortable bringing up. <br />
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Tell him you have needs that aren't being met and see how he reacts. He might offer some answers or give you permission to seek out someone to provide what you need.