I Married Because Of The Church
When I met my husband, we were friends. I was going through some hard times and he gave me stability. When he wanted more than friendship, I didn´t have the courage to reject him. So we lived together for a while. This didn´t go over well with my Christian background and eventually I married him, to become accepted within the Church again. He´s a good guy with a lot more integrity than me and we do get along. But, I never loved him. Our sex-life is full of difficulties. Since I once had a very powerful experience with a man that I really did love, I can not stop longing for the same again. I wonder if it would not be better to end the relationship, but I also don´t know if I´m just chasing an illusion. We´ve been together for more than 10 years now and there are times where I can live with the situation and times when I just want to leave. Besides, I have been unhappily in love with a married man for the last 5 years- meaning: He is always on my mind and in my phantasies, but that´s it. If there was the possibility of having an affair with that man, I know I would go for it.