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I Was a ******** Who Married Her Client

I married a man I don't think i love. It has only been 3 months since our beautiful wedding. The day was perfect. At the time any way.... we had been together for 5 years and engaged for 3. The relationship has always been a lot of hard work. He doesn't have much of a sense of humour and can't laugh at himself when situations are tense. I can, and think laughter is important in life and relationships. We always battled over my job and how commited to it I was. He would become infuriated by my focus on what I did and my lack of interest in our relationship. I got myself to a point where I was too scared to end the relationship over fear of how he would deal with it. I felt only 12 months ago that i didn't like my fiance at all. I couldn't bare to look at him, hated the thought of love making and had no desire to have a conversation with him. We got ourselves to a volitile point. He had a freak out. Stressed from his own job. Stressed from finances and stressed from my lack of desire of him. I tried to end the relationship then. It was over, finally a massive weight had been lifted off my chest. I had finally done it.... 4 days later, he talked me around, said he was sorry, he wanted to change his ways and he loved me.

I have never met a man that loved me as much as he does. I always believed he was infatuated. We met when I was a ********. I didn't dance for very long, and I don't want you to pigeon hole me either. I am a descent woman, who has strong and loyal values. I had to dance at the time as there was no other way of paying my way out of a huge debt. Plus, my curious side always wanted to know how it would feel to be a pole dancer, actually a ********!!!! I must say, I did love my life at that point. Then this guy walked into my life.

He was so confident and cockey, and told me that he would have me. For some time I didn't want anything to do with him. There was just something that my gut instinct was warning me about. For some reason I ignored it.

6 months later we moved in together. 18 months later we were engaged. When he proposed, I wanted to say no. But I said yes. I just needed some time to get used to the idea i thought.

Time went by, and I knew something wasn't right. HE can be controlling and jealous. Suffocating  me at times. To cut a long story short........

6 months before we married, I set myself free from this man. I always thought I would marry someone who i thought would be like my best friend. Now I'm married to a man who I don't really like as a person.

I think I found myself at an age where my single girlfriends, are finding it hard to meet the right guys, and here I am with someone who loves me to no end and would care for me the rest of my life. can't be that bad right? so why not allow him to and please him by simply marrying him.

All my friends who know us said he would probably calm down once we married. His insecure ways would finally be settled because he knew I wasn't goning anywhere, that I was his. No one would sweep me off my feet beacuse marriage proved I was commited to him. I've never given him any reason to not trust me or believe I was looking else where, he has just has an over active imagination when it comes to me. Even his own mother thinks he's infatuated.

Marriage I think has made him worse. I am married to this man and I can't even have a conversation with him....... Is there any one else who is in the same kind of relationship. Married or not. Does this happen to other people??????

Doonaunit Doonaunit 26-30, F 30 Responses Oct 30, 2007

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Your have an entitled princess complex. You think you deserve everything because you are soooo precious and soooo pretty.
You are in fact just a manipulative self absorbed woman.

I feel very sorry for your husband. He was most likely a guy who worked hard, built his business and became successful. You saw his money and decided that you wanted some, being a gold digger and deceived him about your true intentions.

If you really don't like him, why don't you do the honest thing. Explain to him how you feel, sign a postnup agreement and leave. He owes you nothing and you owe him nothing.

My friend got taken in by a woman like you. He loved her dearly, treated her like gold and all she could do is complain and spend his money. He put her through college, borrowing the money on credit cards and from his house. Finally when she was done and he was up to his eyes in debt she left.

Women who marry for money are ******. Why not just be honest and upfront. A night costs this, a month costs that and a year will cost whatever.

I've done something very similar though the circumstances were different. I married a man who when I met him we said we'd just have fun and end it when the fun was done. I found out very quickly though that really wasn't the case for him. He really wanted to meet someone and get married. I was 22, he was 33. I knew from the moment we started dating I didn't even really like him and kept wanting to break it off, but for some dumb reason I kept staying. I had gotten into credit card debt because of him and thought I'd never get back what I'd given him. He was always so needy of my time too, I felt like I was leading him on adn it kept going on and on and on. When we married in vegas I cried all the night before because I knew I was sealing my fate. It was a shot gun marriage either we planned to go to Vegas for a few months before we did it. I kept thinking some how I woud be able to get out of it. Here I am now 13 years later adn two wonderful daughters that I love more than anything or anyone. However, I still can't really feel much for him other than I owe him and am responsible for him and have to stay with him. I told him I wanted a divorce he said ok and I was hsappy we seemed to be moving forward with it but now I am pretty much ack in the same place.We didn't have sex for almost a year and then I gave in on his birthday. I tried to enjoy it but he ruined it for me by talking I could only think of other people he might be. I feel terrible about this because when we first got together and over the years I had felt more like a paycheck and stability for him rather than a partner, friend, or lover. Now we mostly get along. things are pretty ok, though I don't like how he is with the kids most of the time. He doesn't get them and is yoo quick to yell at them for little things. I keep trying to tell myself I can be happy and do this but all I do is think of other people and live in my head. Am I just ****** up??? We get along why can't I jut be happy?? All I want to do is tae my girls and leave. After the new year I am going to bring up divorce again and this time I am going to insist one of us move out. I can't pretend any more. I'd rather have a good relationship with as divorced parents rather than as a regretful, distant wife who cannot do the things with him he wants because I just detest it. My advice would be to get out before you have children, I have a few people I would have liked to pursue relationships with but don't even attempt because I'm married and then I long for the missed opportunity. I develpo friendships with these people adn then cry becasue I cannot have more. Be true to yourself and to him. He will find someone else you just need to be honest with yourself. I've realized that I am not doing him any favors by staying with him because he loves me. Im hurting him and me.

Yea I am also married to a man I dont love...but we live apart in two different countries, so he doesn't bother me

Leave the guy. He migh hurt you someday. He might be abusive. Run as fast as you can away from him.

This sounds a lot like my relationship with my husband. I care so much about him but, I can't stand him a lot of the time. But, we're always "trying" to make things work. Good luck.

what's a ********?

Mabe you married him out of sheer frustration of finishing paying off the debt and deep down you despise him as he was once your former client so he a constant reminder of your past good and bad.<br />
But just try to focus more on the positive of this if you want it to work, he will keep you financialy secure and he works hard thats not too bad a catch you got.

So uh... you chose an *******... and you... got an *******? Is there some kind of disconnect you're not seeing here?<br />
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Go ahead and think about the OCEAN of "nice guys" I suspect you didn't give a second look at and look at the horror story that's coming your way. You'll pay the price, oh yes indeed. You'll suffer for it. And I've no sympathy.<br />
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It's not like the guy lied to you about being a *****. He was up front about it. In fact, re-read your post. It was YOU who was full of ****.<br />
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He asked you to marry him and YOU SAID YES even though you wanted to say no. Whose fault is that?<br />
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Seriously, you're just another Princess who suddenly found out being a deceitful ***** can, *gasp* sometimes have consequences! For christ sakes, YOU LIED TO A MAN ABOUT WANTING TO MARRY HIM.<br />
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How ****** up is that? For all his faults at least the guy was genuine about that. The ****.

He was foolish to marry her. You can take the ***** out of the ********** but you can't the ********** out of the *****.

She married him because he has money and is staying with him because of his money. Gold digger.

I have read other people comments on your this story, but I lived through a loveless marriage. I declared to my future husband that I was not in Love with him, and he acknowledged my truth. So we married and it was a Big mistake from our wedding day to the day we divorced.<br />
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I was very unhappy, he was as happy as a lark, I did everything for us and he lived a single man life with little responsibility (he worked every day) within our marriage. <br />
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Sadly he never worked to gain my love, and I saw the all the signs and stayed. My father gave our marriage one year it lasted twelve long years of unhappiness, there were nice moments within our marriage but the unhappiness lived within my heart and it showed. <br />
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And this is my advice for the young women in loveless marriage, have the courage to move on, talk to your Priest, Pastor, Rabi or engage the service of a therapist. I choose my Priest and a therapist, because I did not want to feel like a failure. I got the help I needed to move on, and it hurt I was mentally a physically exhausted but I filed for divorce and I can only tell you that the sense of relief is huge but more importantly. I learned that if I don't value myself enough to fight for me who will. I also learned that you will never gain the time back from living a lie in a loveless marriage.<br />
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So wake up get help, stand up for yourself, and file for that overdue divorce. And yes its going to hurt like hell and you will feel guilty over your husband and that he loved you. But guess what you will have learned from your mistake, make better choices in the future and understand that you only have one life to live and it must be lived well.<br />
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Be true to yourself and remember God dose not wish for you to live an unhappy life.

Hi dear,I hope by divorcing you got some finacial gains&amp; bulk shear of the property,It is sad and unfair when husbands dont get And financial or property by devorcing.I think just loving and caring wives or husbands should benifit,not the cons.Men are always willing to pay or reward thier loving wives who gave them wormth and stood with them while women dont pay or reward but give love or pain.Hey where are equal rights for man &amp; women.who gets washes!Primitive and ancient traditions will never change, men will always be donors of love and money.Life too complicated &amp; murky and too short to have painful experiences,it is really sad,There few lucky once where love their partners and are mostly happy and devoted,telling good things about each other.

I've never quite believed it, but it seems that it actually happens to people. My best friend has been in a relationship with a really horrible guy for over a year now. She's not happy with him even though he loves her. They just don't fit together, but she says she doesn't know how to end it, and that she feels sorry for him as well.<br />
Do you think there is anything I can/should do? Given the choice at the time, would you have wished for a friend to try and help you get out of the relationship?

The crazy part is I am in the same sort of situaton.. I just posted about it earlier today. How unhappy I am in my relationship and yet here I am 5 yrs later still there... I hope you find the courage to go after your hapiness and the strength to follow through :)

sounds like you ran head first into a brick wall saw it coming but stil kept running and now your suprised at the pain in your head. <br />
Talk to him about the trust issues and if you are afraid to talk to him about this then your marriage is doomed anyway and just like removing a plaster its best to move on quickly instead of dragging out the pain but if you do decide to leave him make sure he knows why and sever ties completely more for his sake than your own. <br />
Good luck with your choice

this is somewhat like my story. When I first met my boyfriend I was modeling which he said he admired. Every guy I had been with before was abusive, a liar and a cheater and he was very sweet and romantic. Everything went great for 8 months, I had a great relationship with him and his parents and he asked me to marry him and we became engaged and he became a father figure to my 4 yr old which he was very good with. Soon after, we moved in together and the more time went on, the more annoyed I would get with him. He didn't want me to model anymore bc he would get jealous of other guys looking at my pictures, when they weren't even that revealing. The one thing that made me feel free, he took away. We started fighting quite a bit, the romance and butterflies were no longer there and I just couldn't stand to look at him or be around him. The thought of him disgusted me. He left for job training for a week and I finally felt as I could breathe, I felt free, and didn't miss him. I loved him for all he was before and for all the good he did for my daughter but I realized I wasn't in love with him anymore. When he came back I told him how I felt ,called off the engagement, and it broke his heart. He left for a month and gave me space. I was feeling really lonely and thought maybe we could try dating again to see what would happen. It was nice for a while, bc he was doing everything he could to be on his best behavior and to make sure I was content. He even said he wouldn't complain if I started modeling again, so I did. His parents stopped talking to both of us. He and my daughter were very happy bc they missed eachother a ton. Now our lease on the apartment is up and he wants to get another apt with me and sign another 1 yr lease. Part of me still is not in love with him, ant stand to look at him, can't stand the way he tells me to do this and to do that since I decided to let him stay, why keep trying to impress me. I just feel like you, how i've always felt I was supposed to marry my best friend, fall in love and live happily ever after. But a part of me is starting to believe that life isn't a fairy tale. He's never cheated, never abused me, he's really good to my daughter and she adores him.. So maybe I should just go with it. I don't know what to do either. I am so confused. Breaking his heart is hard, it's tough to see. But she loves him like he is her own daddy and I don't wanna break her heart if I send him away again. I'm lost. So i'm sorry I don't have advice, bc I can't even decide what to do, but you are not alone. You're not the only one who's broken inside.

Question: I ask this as these things perplex me and I don't ask this to be condescending or judgemental. If you never loved the guy, why did you bother to get married in the first place? I ask as I see a lot of this, and it makes little sense to me.

Shyt, My Boo Iz A ********! I'd Probable Neva Tell Hur Seriously, Bt.... I Thk Shes The Best. I Love For Her To Be Comfortable With Her Wild Side. You Know, *** It, Im Shy And For Her To Start A Conversation, Just Makes Me Feel Like She That Much Intersted In Me. Then I Get Let My Man Hood Hang And Carry On.

Honey, this man has all the makings of a regular old abusive bastard. He sounds controlling, jealous, insecure, potentially violent. That is my hit on him. I know that it is tempting to delve into the arms who loves us like no one we have ever known, but really it is a test - a test in loosing yourself or finding yourself. Sometimes we have to back ourselves up to the edge of a cliff, and then have the sense to move away, in order to find ourselves. You can make the ending to this story that you found yourself, your strength, and walked away unscathed, a better person, forgiving of yourself and of him. AND JUST DO IT!! You do not deserve to suffer and with this situation you WILL DEFINITELY SUFFER. Get out, learn how to love yourself, honor yourself, forgive yourself... And beware of the next guy who comes along. Get out and take some time (years) to find YOU.... cus there is no other point in this life than to humbly, graciously and lovingly discover who you truly are. Ok, so I repeat - advice from an invisible friend who you will surely never meet, LEAVE HIM but do it with respect.

I didn't realize how old this was.. gee I wonder what happened!!!

oh crap neither did I...

Of course I'm in a similar position, I wasted 14 years of my life with someone I grew to intensly hate and even though we haven't been together for almost 4 years now, I still have to deal with the SAME chit, every FREAKING day because stupid me had a CHILD with this idiot. <br />
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One DO not have any children with this man if you REALLY TRULY feel this way now , that is ONE.<br />
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Two, I'd like shine the light upon one mistake you made and something you may be overlooking...<br />
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Your a ********. I'm not saying nothing WRONG. but YOUR A DEDICATED ********. from what you say. The fact that YOU MET HIM STRIPPING, and while you were you dating YOU KNEW he was INSECURE.. so you THOUGHT by MARRYING him it would CHANGE HIS WAYS??? lol<br />
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aww honey, you needed to ask SOMEONE for advice AT THAT TIME, so you could of been warned. Not to make light of the subject but your lucky your not locked in a closet somewhere...I mean really think about it. <br />
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What you need to be honest is a man who INTO your lifestyle, PROUD that your a ********, the type of guy who will take you everywhere and show you off and tell people HOW you use to be a ******** or say come see her and bring you clients...Not this. You like what you do, why should you have to sacrafice? If he couldn't handle the fact that you were a ********... HE SHOULDN"T ASK YOU TO MARRY HIM!!! point effing blank. You know what I'm saying. He didn't find you on Jerry Springer telling him, you have a secret... nah, he met you dancing. What did he think? You were going to marry him and he was going to "SAVE" you from that place and now he's made because he found out, UHOH YOU LIKE IT THERE!! lmao. Hey, you don't need his chit, I'm sure your hot if you a ******** , you have guys on you all the time, find one who's cool with it. Someone who'll come by the club and hang with you... remember NO FLUCKING KIDS, YOU WILL REGRET THAT CHIT, MARK MY WORDS!!!<br />
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OOPS... that was were you went wrong. It doesn't matter who you really are when you spend majority of your day selling WHO YOUR NOT.

What I hear you say is that you done him a favor by marrying him. Did you really feel no one else was gonna love you like he does? It doesn't sound to me like "love". It doesn't sound like love at all. I think you should do yourself a favor and leave. You mentioned you have values.,,,. where was your "value" of yourself when your gutt was telling you to say "no" to the proposal? I am not meaning to be harsh to you,..I hope you don't take it that way but a loving slap sometimes wakes us up. sorry honey. You haven't valued yourself at all.

I met a ******** once. She was a pretty face and nice body. We were just wired together. In 2 weeks she was with me in my appartment and demonstrated in many ways that she was in love. But I was a married one and told her I thought what she felt was only infatuation for me. We continued. Great sex. For me that was all. I was cheating on my wife because she was indifferent to sex, and I didnt want to leave her because of the kids that I adore. The perfect formula I thought. I have my family with a wife indifferent to sex, but now I have a beautiful woman in love with me and great sex.<br />
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With time, (as I lived alone in midweek days because of my job-business), she became obssesive with me and jealous. I broke up because of this. She told me she wanted me only for her and was frustrated that I had my family. I told her I like you so much, I admire your beauty, we both laugh a lot, but when I knew you I already have a family. I wont leave my family, I am an Italian guy that adore his kids. I was loving her now because I also paid her well for sleeping with me all weekdays. I could see other women and be free. I wasnt sure she didnt see other men in weekends when I was at home. I am also not sure she dindt see guys in the day. But she was so crazy for me. Got pregnant. I told her OK I will father the child but I wont leave my family. When she heard this she aborted. <br />
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She began with the love-hate thing. I told her to be calm, that I had told her I had family allways. But now I realized I was getting in love with her and needed her. We returned back. But now she was kind of revengeful, tried to make me jealous with other guys, called a 19 year old guy only to make me jealous. Broke up and went to this young guy (I am 34). I broke up. Missed her but couldnt do nothing. <br />
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3 months later I found her at 4 am at a bar complelety drunk. She had cryed. She broke up with the 19 year old guy. I comforted her, and now felt I really loved her. Took her to my app and didnt make love to her. Next morning a great breakfast. Now I told her I missed her and I loved her but she had to change. I would never compromise nothing with a ********. <br />
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She told me she would change now, leave that life. I went OK. Now I will love you. Stayed with her all nights, helped her financially and loved her well, cared about her kid´s health, etc. Treated her well, well well. Told her I could buy a house for her. That now I wanted a child. Once I checked her cell phone and she was secretly seeing again this stupid young guy (she is 24). I went so mad at her and slapped her in the cheek. Broke up again. Now I hated her. I was behaving ok, loving her but she was so stupid.<br />
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Now we broke up finally. I went again to my wife and kids, and I am in the process of forgetting her. <br />
I now know she didnt love me really. She wasnt a person with the capacity of being honest. I allways told her I was married and that although things are not perfect with my wife, I adore my kids. I miss her so much. She presented me her family, grandfather, etc . I paid all his grandfather death expenses and funeral. One night she was drunk and hitted me in the face with the fist. I definitively broke up.<br />
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The last time I saw her was in the ***** club again. I barely saw her. I dindt feel much for her. I am simply not interested in the nightmare again. I think I will never with a ******** again. Women sex and love is free.

Met a gal on an airplane one time, we had started chatting right off the bat, and as the plane was getting ready to land, she said she was heading to Hawaii to meet a man who wanted to marry her and she didn't want him, but was going anyway. We had a talk about why, etc. The plane landed and she said give me a reason to get off here. I was terribly flattered, but I said I can't, if you do not want him do not go, if you want me, then stay, but whatever you do, do it because you want where it leads, not because I offer you another place to hide. I have to admit I was really tempted to say yes, come with me, but, who would she hide from me with, she could not be honest with herself, she could not be honest with me and, the hardest of all, she wanted someone else to make her decisions, to make her life easy.<br />
Not sure what ever happened to her, I do think of her on occasion when I think of my girls, and I hope I gave them the backbone to decide in life, not just accept. There are men out there who like women with a backbone and an opinion, and thankfully, the knowledge and wisdom to when to use them.<br />
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I am sorry for you position, I am sorry you do not have more faith in yourself, but I sure hope you get one before you have kids.

Wow... I wish someone told me that years ago. Well said.

It is a hard lesson for all of us to learn

Wow that's kinda me what has happened was : me an escort was called met man didn't want sex acted like he cared for some reason and anyways asked me to Hawaii I went married him three days later he's obsessed with me and I don't know how to get out. I'm not an escort anymore after I met him anyways it's not that he's a bad man it's just he's so lame all he does is work work work buy me things to make me happy and never talks to me have no interest in common it's awful and yes shame me for marrying for money but damn how do I get out of this. I tried telling him he does not want to leave me I believe I'm either a cover up for him being secretly gay or something or he is obsessed with me and also he's very catholic and comes from an Italian Family they don't believe in divorce he says **** idk I just know I'm so unhappy I'd rather be poor in a box with my bestie than living like this figurally speaking. Anyways I know I'm terrible so we can skip that and please get on with the suggestions.

I have no recrimination for your selection, I believe each of us make what we see as our best selection for a happy life.

:-), I will get on with the suggestion.

Counseling would be a first thought, there must have been something there at first to get your interest.
The obsession bit is a little worrisome, and the counseling session may help with that or bring it out to the point you know if you should run or file for divorce. Sorry

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Similiar here, its very painful. Be grateful you dont have childrren, as they seem to suffer the most. My own wife, I have never been in love with. At best its a deep caring, i.e i dont want anything bad to happen to her. We are trapped together by bills --- but if you have the chance to make it better or serperate, then do it. You dont want to wake up 10 years from now full of resentment.

Its not too late for you to decide... you are the driver. I married twice, with my first 1 also felt that i was loved and i have loved him too, after a while, i just found out hes seeing someone else, so i gave way. and set him free. now we are just friends, and what love is for afterall. And with my 2nd... at first of course the same feeling is like we are both in love and but i just missed to look over the friendship side. And then now, im feeling like im all alone, he would always say "ilove you" but the feeling is like a wind that passes by. Hes even more concern about hes friends that me. i could see the happiness in his eyes when hes with his friends. i dont feel the careness, the love and the friendship. i just felt that he really doesnt care and no love, during my postnatal , when i delivered my daughter, he offered me the left over (2 days) cold soup noodles, while he just ate up newly cooked one, its immature but from this action i just felt like i am not his wife. How could you really find the true love? is it must be like the love that your son and your daughter is giving us. I want to see and feel the real and true love, caring and friendship from my husband. Until now i dont feel the thing i want. But its too late for me to get out. because now im getting old already, Im just hoping that in the end I would be able to feel the love, the caring and see the friendship. In your case its the opposite, you marry him but you dont love him and you said he loves you and hes trying but you dont feel it. All of us are aiming to beloved, but in the end did we asked ourselves how do we loved? How could we feel and find the thing, if we are not trying to search for it. Must have an action.. before its too late. You are not too young to move. Or you end up hoping.

I was in love with my wife when we married long ago. We've had an amazing life. Our kids are grown now and it should be the best time to enjoy life. However, my wife has become so difficult to live with. She doesn't want to travel or do anything fun. <br />
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I believe I'm a very considerate lover and not selfish in the slightest. My wife has almost no interest in sex or romance and that puts considerable stress on our so called relationship. <br />
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Over the past couple of years, I've fallen in love with a co-worker who is much younger. Even though there is no romance, my feelings are strong. We are close friends and share thoughts, but she is married with two young children so there's no hope of things changing. <br />
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My wife and I stay together but I might as well have a roommate than a wife.

I'm sorry. I hope you find hapiness soon. As a child of divorce the kids know you are hurting, not just you but your wife as well. for your kids future relationship happiness. and success show them they don't need to settle or neglect themselves to be married.

This is priceless.... how many red flags do you need before you start paying attention? Next time just marry a convicted felon on death row. That way when you hate him and have nothing in common at least you know he won't be around forever. Some women should just live alone. Relationships are for growups. What a hoot!!

wow... I can't believe how judgmental you are... and adult offers advice when asked, an adult offers a listening ear when needed, not judgment. I think YOU need to grow up and perhaps look up empathy in the dictionary.

I married the guy who took me to the Champagne Room...yeah I was a ********. I never loved him, my "likeness" for him grew into hatred. With his fist through the wall and broken furniture...i was done. Now in the process of divorcing. If you are unhappy, leave. It's not worth it. Everyone deserves happiness....

I have been married 2.5 years and am not in love. But, through everything, I 'love him' and it is extremely difficult to lerave. I love him more tham anything. We have shared experiences. But, at the end of the day, I am not in love with him. I am currently separated and it is so difficult I may get back together with him.<br />
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Get out now before you get too attached. LEAVE NOW!!!! Don't think about what everyone else is thinking. My dad said on the way to the wedding 'you dont have to do this', but I felt obligated. My dad would have driven me to the airport and given me some cash if I had of asked for it, but I was more focused on what other people are thinking than my own feelings.<br />
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LEAVE NOW!

I have never once admitted this to anyone but i am going to tell you because i thought i was the only one stupid enough to let it happen.<br />
I met this guy who i really liked so i moved in with him. I new from the first week after moving in with him that it wouldnt work out, gut instinct was screaming at me to get out now. But of course i ignored it. Anyways i stayed with him and had two children with him. And it ended in complete disaster and i am now a single mother looking after two young children. <br />
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So no you are not alone, i think some of us feel that we need to be loved and cannot leave. So we decide to ignore our own happiness in the fear that we may be left on our own.. If you no what i mean.<br />
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Anyways i hope you make the right decision for yourself and that you will be happy in the future. He;s responsible for himself you are not.

Well said!

You just wrote down my life, verbatim.<br />
Do you wake up every morning and just think, "How the hell did I let it get this far?"

I cant say I have...but problems are problems we all have those. You despite your reservations married him...now you have to get to fighting to make it work. Force yourself to talk to him...maybe you can learn to communicate. If you can do that I'd think you would be a major step closer to making this marriage what you both need it to be.<br />
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Good Luck!