I Married a Man With Borderline Personality Disorder
I Think I Have Borderline Personality Disorder And It Could Cost Me My Marriage.
By:
bribman78
Written on December 3rd, 2010
When my wife and I met I was such a different person. I was self assured and confident about everything. After my wife and I were married I took another job with a competitor in the same industry. What seemed like the next logical step in our life was a nightmare. We entered into a contract on a house and the new job was starting. Letters from my former employer started showing up on my door step a couple weeks later. I didn't sleep for weeks, scared I would be sued for everything we barely owned or were making payments on. I had to eventually resign the position after Thanksgiving or just before Christmas and break contract on our first house. I sent out 40+ resumes out and had 10 interviews set up the first week I was jobless.
I found a job in a new industry and a new position of outside sales. My territory was revealed later to me to be in another state 2 hours a away. We went ahead and purchased our first house during this period. I drover 2 hours every day for 6 months and then was given another new territory 4 hours away. When I was in full swing I saw my wife basically 2 days a week. We made it work, the money was good, the stress was unbelievebale from sales side and the service alone dealt with moving others money.
After 1 1/2 years and 60k miles on my car later I was blessed to get offered a job with way less stress, more money, and an opportunity to work for one of my good friends. We decided to have a baby when this opportunity came a long and I would be home a lot more. The job was great for 3 months until I was able to access the company and the personell around me. Within in a year I had accomplished a lot, but the company was laying off people weekly and the upper management didn't have a business plan, let alone spell it. I took a another position at the same high stress money moving service and I am currently miserable. My wife and I met when I had been at the same company for 4 years out of school. Since I have had 3 jobs in 4 years. My relentless quest to provide a decent living and my mood swings have destroyed my marriage. I have never cheated on my spouse nor will I. My splurges during my highs have put further in debt then we have ever been. We are not in horrible shape, but it is a constant worry. I don't sleep, I obsess and worry about job, I have constant fears of getting fired or my wife taking our son and leaving. I have tried to change my ways, but my mood swings tend to correlate with my energy level. When I am tired or I feel exhausted, I am irritable and down right not nice to my wife. I lose my patience with her, my son, my mom and my dad. Often outburst about work and constantly feeling unappreciated and always a hour late or dollar short on career opportunities. I bring work home, I constantly talk, like 10 minute conversation turns into an hour, and I constantly consider leaving or looking for another job. I don't what to do with my mental health. I am ashamed and embarrassed feeling that I am broken, and knowing I have issues makes me more self conscience.
My wife and I fight constantly, she tries so hard to spend time with me and I often time ignore or I am too busy bitching or ranting about work or how hospitals are trying to bankrupt us. She recently is mulling over the idea of divorce. I have cried for 3 days and I take her seriously, but I don't want to quit. I haven't been officially haven't been diagnosed, but I don't want to spend the money nor can we afford to see a psychiatrist, and real medication. What do I do? Part of me debates on if she would be better without me since I feel I am broken. I don't know what to do...????
I found a job in a new industry and a new position of outside sales. My territory was revealed later to me to be in another state 2 hours a away. We went ahead and purchased our first house during this period. I drover 2 hours every day for 6 months and then was given another new territory 4 hours away. When I was in full swing I saw my wife basically 2 days a week. We made it work, the money was good, the stress was unbelievebale from sales side and the service alone dealt with moving others money.
After 1 1/2 years and 60k miles on my car later I was blessed to get offered a job with way less stress, more money, and an opportunity to work for one of my good friends. We decided to have a baby when this opportunity came a long and I would be home a lot more. The job was great for 3 months until I was able to access the company and the personell around me. Within in a year I had accomplished a lot, but the company was laying off people weekly and the upper management didn't have a business plan, let alone spell it. I took a another position at the same high stress money moving service and I am currently miserable. My wife and I met when I had been at the same company for 4 years out of school. Since I have had 3 jobs in 4 years. My relentless quest to provide a decent living and my mood swings have destroyed my marriage. I have never cheated on my spouse nor will I. My splurges during my highs have put further in debt then we have ever been. We are not in horrible shape, but it is a constant worry. I don't sleep, I obsess and worry about job, I have constant fears of getting fired or my wife taking our son and leaving. I have tried to change my ways, but my mood swings tend to correlate with my energy level. When I am tired or I feel exhausted, I am irritable and down right not nice to my wife. I lose my patience with her, my son, my mom and my dad. Often outburst about work and constantly feeling unappreciated and always a hour late or dollar short on career opportunities. I bring work home, I constantly talk, like 10 minute conversation turns into an hour, and I constantly consider leaving or looking for another job. I don't what to do with my mental health. I am ashamed and embarrassed feeling that I am broken, and knowing I have issues makes me more self conscience.
My wife and I fight constantly, she tries so hard to spend time with me and I often time ignore or I am too busy bitching or ranting about work or how hospitals are trying to bankrupt us. She recently is mulling over the idea of divorce. I have cried for 3 days and I take her seriously, but I don't want to quit. I haven't been officially haven't been diagnosed, but I don't want to spend the money nor can we afford to see a psychiatrist, and real medication. What do I do? Part of me debates on if she would be better without me since I feel I am broken. I don't know what to do...????
By:
bribman78
Age:
31-35
