My 10 Years With A Bpd Part IThis is going to be a very long story.
We've been broken up for two years now and I havent heard from him in over a year. The last call was when he told me he was in "love" with the therapist assigned to him by the State Medical Society. Approximately 10 months before I finally had an intervention done. It turned into a disaster. Here is my story.
It was July 5th, 1999. I was recently separated from my husband after 15 years. I was a respectable professional,with multiple degrees. I was also vulnerable. I met my exBPD in the hospital when my dad was being treated for a life threatening illness. He was his surgeon. I was his patient's daughter. Distraught, vulnerable and I guess willing, he engaged me. I fell instantly in love with him. Having saved my dad's life, he abused his position and took on the role of savior. I was thoroughly infatuated with him. He was married. My dad stayed in the hospital for five months and we developed a strong bond. Within months he was coming to my office volunteering to help me in my business. I would like to think we were both smitten. It took him until November to ask me out. I was reluctant- after all he was married. But the chemistry between us was a 15 on a 1-10 scale and there was nothing I could do to stop the juggernaut of passion and emotions he elicited in me. He made me feel beautiful (which Im not) and oh so smart- (I should have been smarter). We got to know each other and engaged in what he called 1 years worth of foreplay. I was putty in his hands. His arms felt so safe and secure around me. His kiss was delcious. I was relatively innocent to the world having met my husband at age 17, married at 20. He abused both his power and his position to get what he wanted- into my pants. By June of 2000 we became lovers.
I could not wait to see him. My heart would flutter. Were there warnng signs sure but I disregarded all of them. First off he was married albeit in what he called a terrible relationship. Second he was a heavy smoker -which I detest- although he was a lung surgeon. Third he had told me he had previous affairs having cheated on his wife-even when she was pregnant with their only son.Looking back there were darker signs; signs I did not understand were even there until recently; he was on anti-depressants; said he suffered from depression; said he had problems at work, school and in his marriage. Everything was everyone else's fault. After our first and second love making sessions he quickly jumped out of bed running into the shower. Not knowing what I know now, he was running from the intimacy; had severe engulfment fears and then the biggest flag; HE cried that he had ABANDONMENT ISSUES!! If I only knew. If I only knew
To be continued....