The Curse Of Borderline Personality Disorder

I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder in 2009, I always said that it's the people who lives with a person suffering from this mood disorder who suffers the most. It takes a different kind, a person with strength, courage and understanding to love a person with Borderline Personality Disorder. Having this mood disorder has not been easy, you are in constant turmoil with yourself, it's like a constant battlefield in you mind, every thought determines whether you'll be happy, sad, moody, angry or depressed, and so it goes on the whole day, not knowing how you going to feel in the next five minutes makes it difficult to have a normal relationship with any body. I choose to isolate myself because I find it extremely hard to have a healthy relationship with people especially in a working environment where you're thoughts constantly control you're actions and therefore you're moods.

Before I was diagnosed with BPD my mother used to call me her Tsunami child, because of my violent outburst. When I was diagnosed I didn't just take it as gospel I did research, I did allot of soul searching and I found that whenever I have a severe mood swing it was triggered by a thought . BPD is  a mood disorder which is triggered and I knew that in order for me to manage my disorder I would have to go beyond soul searching to find the root of what triggered this disorder. I have many theories on what could have caused it but I'm no where closer to an answer than I was two years ago. Maybe a part of me just don't have the courage to open old wounds, scars of which wounds are carved deep in my heart. 

Although BPD cannot be cured, I have learned to manage it, by educating myself, taking mood stabilizers and  tranquilizers to keep me calm. I don't cut myself anymore, and only people who are very close to me will notice my mood swings during the day, but mostly I have withdrawn myself into my own world where in some strange way I am at peace with my thoughts.