A Typical Day For A Wife Of A BpdA day with a BPD starts the night before and he had talked about a "family" issue that disturbed him last night while watching Criminal Minds and the News. I went to bed and he seemed fine, even affectionate.
I wake up on weekdays and am out of the door before he gets out of bed. I take my son to school, care for the animals and sometimes I go out for a coffee and danish and some "me time". Today, I knew that my Love had to be into work "on time", he is not paid hourly so this is not usually any "issue". I set the coffee maker to be ready to brew his coffee, started on breakfast and made a boxed coffee cake before I heard him stirring.
I heard him stirring, set the breakfast and coffee in motion and called to him; he had gone to the office and was coming down shortly for breakfast before getting ready for work. Breakfast was fine and we chatted. I take the dog out while he is on the computer, resting before he goes upstairs to get dressed.
He comes down and is nearly ready to leave (I think, only a little longer, he has been trying to pick a fight RIGHT before going out the door; I will not fall into the trap) and asked him if he "had everything that he needed". He said "not really"...REALLY??? what does that MEAN? I was awake and fixed your breakfast, you have clean clothes in the closet, I took care of your dog and are you implying that I was "negligent" or "forgot" something?? I calm my mind. I have done my part and he is responsible to "take care of him" and I am ready to see him go out the door and I will NOT panic or step "in the quicksand".
Just before he turns toward the door; he curses. His tragus earring has fallen out and he needs me to put it back in. My hands are wet from doing dishes. I tell him "let me dry my hands and get my glasses on and I will try to put it back in". He curses, his voice raises, he doesn't like what I am doing but I ask him do I "have to put this ring around" part of his ear, he says NO, it needs to go in the front. Ok. His voice is raising, I get nervous, I already am very aware of my lack of confidence in doing this and I don't have a tragus and don't know "how it feels" when it is pierced and the earring goes in properly. His voice raises some more. He said that the earring needs to go in front AND behind the tragus. (just as I had thought and had started doing). I say nothing; just trying to get the DAMNED earring back in place.
Long story short, I told him to STOP yelling and that if he wanted me to try again, I would. He complains that it is MY fault that he is yelling, I got "an attitude" and I told him, "your earring fell out first. I will try again if you like". He then goes on lecturing on how I was doing it wrongly because I don't have any "real jewelry" (thick gauge, which is true, but he made it sound insulting like I do not have jewelry made of precious metals and I do.) He said that it was my fault that he would have to "go to a piercing shop, buy a NEW tragus ring (he went upstairs to get one he had his hands on a few months ago and said that it was not in the drawer where HE had left it; I don't go in that nightstand drawer except for one day last week when he asked me to bring him something from it.).
I AGAIN offered to help him put it back in. He continued to DYSREGULATE and I walked past him and said "Stop yelling at me" and I went upstairs. He tells me to "get the F out of his house".
Those of us who are NOT emotionally ill; we do not emotionally escalate into a rage and then have a hard time "de-escalating"...might say that "He is DAMNED lucky" to have a wife who loves him and understands what and how he is feeling and CARES for him and TRIES to help him through it.
He doesn't know WHAT A HELL OF A LIFE it is for me; his pain is so overwhelming, believe it or not, he thinks that HE got the short straw.
Just when you think you MIGHT have a normal day, it goes to Sh*t. That is a typical day when you love a person who is mentally ill.
Missalaineyeus 46-50, F 7 Responses 5 May 17, 2012