Learning More Everyday

I am about 6 month into understanding that my husband is undiagnosed BPD.

He is a wonderful man, I love him very much and I really am glad to know that there are things that I can do, things I cannot or should NOT do and things that I must just accept...you know, like the "Serenity Prayer".

I am continuing to study BPD in hopes that my greater understanding will bring my bpd husband to the acceptance that this is an "illness" that he can directly affect by counseling that WILL make our life together, better!!!

I started reading Randi Kreger's book " The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder". (same author as "Walking on Eggshells"...) The "Power Tools" that she presents in the book in the later half of the book is provided for us NON BPD family members who love and are trying to live peaceably with our BPD persons. We love them, especially the times when they are NOT emotionally dysregulated. We love to BE WITH THEM and enjoy all the mutual interests and maybe even some non-combative discussion on matters of concern. We may even feel some EUPHORIA that he is able to carry on a civil conversation like HE USED TO years ago. Before we were "seen as black" and everything evil and "against him" in his life. We need TOOLS to help us cope and care for ourselves. Randi provides them for us in this book.

I have had nearly a WEEK with VERY LITTLE threat of BPD behavior. I positively reinforce all the "good" that we are experiencing. I smile and let him know that I am HAPPY, with him!!! He is looking AT me rather than growling, snarling or attacking me verbally. Having a "mutual enemy" has proven to be a GREAT asset in helping me focus on supporting him and our life together. I have spent more time alone, with my thoughts, and feel that I am clearly letting him know that I love him BUT I am NOT responsible for how he gets SO angry and that I WILL LEAVE and create a "time out" instead of engaging in a circular argument. I just won't do it.

I just wanted to post a story to update my bpd's progress and our life together. He has agreed to GO to counseling and I am waiting to hear back from two counselors so he can get started soon!!!

Missalaineyeus Missalaineyeus
46-50, F
May 24, 2012