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Just Had A Horrible Fight With My Bpd Husband. I Got Tired And Actually Stud Out For Myslf

I few days ago I had the most horrible fight with my BPD husband.  I got tired of being bulied for 5 years and stud up to him.  he kept hitting me and i keep asking him to kill me because I did not want to live like this anymore and he did.  He left after he choked me and back handed me and I would not stand down.  I really thought he was going to kill me and I did not care.  I has been so bad.  My kids left and that was not enough.  I have not seen my mom in three years and that was not enough.  I left all my friends and that was not enough.  I gave him money, a home, a family and that was not enough and according to him it is all my fault.  I have not done enough.  Now I'm bruised and broken inside.  I think about him 24/7.  I wonder if he will come back, but will not call him.  I want him to comeback, but inside I hope he will not.  Please help me to stop thinking about him and hopping he will call.  I don't want to live like this anymore.  I rather die.
allstar2271 allstar2271 51-55 5 Responses Jun 8, 2012

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If he hit you he doesn't love you. Run to the nearest shelter and divorce this ****&(*t.

My heart goes out to you. Im divorcing my husband who I think has bpd. I know I'm doing the right thing. You need to find a good counselor. Drinking is not the answer. Get help please. You are a daughter of God and you are precious. Stay away from the abuse. You are worth more.

Please find a Codependents Anonymous Group in your area. You'll find support from others who are "too understanding" of their spouses/partners and are trying to stand up for themselves too. You can find one at www.coda.org



I agree with Miss A that a restraining order is an excellent idea.



Physical abuse must not be tolerated and this is serious. Too many boundaries have been crossed. Next time he very well might kill you and you have too much to live for. Get back in touch with your Mom, kids, and friends.

Thank you guys. But I just broke down and textedhim. He did not respond. I guess he is done with me. I'm drinking alone. It does not fel good but I don't know what else to do. i'm devastated. What do I do now. I got nothing left.

Hon; please get a restraining order to protect yourself from him; check into a domestic violence shelter and get some counseling. I am SO sorry to hear of your past 5 years. PLEASE take care of yourself. Get in touch with your family; call your friends, tell them all that he is GONE and you don't want him back and need their help; they will come and help. Sending hugs and love.

Do NOT let him come back. End it here. ALLOW things to get better.