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All Too Clear Now... Stuck With Bpd Man!

Been with him for 7 years and married. Always felt something wasn't right with him from the beginning but he was good at hiding the bad stuff. I had no idea this disorder existed until now. For the last few years I've been calling him bi polar but is clearly bpd. Calls me 10 times a day from work. Either he hates you or becomes obsessed with you. He will make every weak female he meets adore him and be a Casanova except that he is married! He hoards items and photos from his exes. There have been about 20 new women since meeting him. He will send love letters and put them on a pedestal until he is bored and the novelty wears off but wont physically cheat then crawls backs to me. He will go into rages and calls me every horrible name that exists then acts like nothing happened and not admit to saying anything. He has pushed My friends away. He will embarrass me in front of them so I never want him around them as I don't know what he will say next. My friends and family have all seen him be a jerk while his friends and family think he is mr perfect as he conceals his true self around them. He sucks them all in and acts like mr big. It makes me want to gag. He has made an art out of sucking people into thinking he is this all important person. He gets everyone else to do his dirty work for him and when I question him about it he says "well I have an image to uphold"". He gets away with not helping around the house or fixing anything by taking his family and friends to restaurants. We have not had one of his friends or co workers visit us ever. Every day I am accused of cheating on him or thinking about other men. I don't even have a male friend to talk or think about at all!! Every opportunity he has he will use to accuse me or blame me or belittle me. If I say we should go talk to someone Then "i" have the problem not him and he refuses help. I'm told daily that i mmnever give him enough attention or that I'm going to leave him and that he's so attached to me and doesn't know what he would do without me although he treats me like garbage and is verbally vicious. Total Jekyll and Hyde. Is always a catch 22. I tell him to leave That I don't want to be with him anymore and he will change the subject. This guy is sick. I am becoming sick from the stress and he just falls asleep like nothing. He will find any little stupid thing to go off about. I don't think he realizes there's anything wrong with him. I really don't. I have been observing him for days. He has nearly every trait of someone with this disease. I even told him to look it up when he's bored instead of giving me a hard time. What do you do with someone like this? I Always felt that his good side was exciting an awesome. If he treated me like those who he tries to impress it would be great but I feel it's all an act and if anyone was a fly on my wall they would see a completely different person. Nobody would believe it. Before I discovered this disorder I refer to him as a broken object that cannot be fixed. I now see there is no cure for this so I am correct. Never saw anything like this.
Inahardplace101 Inahardplace101 36-40, F 4 Responses Jul 23, 2012

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my dear, i can feel your frustration, stress and pain. I was speechless everytime my bpd ex called i am cheating on him, i am talking to guy, i am texting message to a guy, i didn't love him enough, i will leave him one day, i am a cold hearted person..... and many more. Like you, i have not a guy friend that i can talk to and i never cheat on him. I used to try to comfort him, I swore i didn't do this and that, then i fight, then i gave up, then i turned to quiet, then i was called playing the innocent game. nothing can make him happy or satisfied. he can never understand the pain, the loneliness i have to go through, it was soooo hard to make him understand until i suspect if i was the one who had problem to interact with people! I have a sense of failure that i cannot talk to people (since he is the closest people to me at that time). I been go through a lot with this guy. I will share my story one day to all of you. All the best to you!

I can relate to your story and I'm sorry for your pain. You probably ARE having some physical symptoms from the stress, I know that I have. I had to laugh when I read another post recommending exercise, massage, "fun", etc. because that's exactly what I've had to do in order to keep myself healthy in this relationship. For what it's worth, these things may help you as well. Another idea is to try an Alanon group, or, if you're not ready for that, just get an Alanon book and read some of the tips and coping skills.



I'm new to this board, but am slowly working through all of the posts. It's good to know that we are not alone and have a safe anonymous place to share our stories and feelings. I wish you the best of luck in dealing with this "roller coaster" relationship. It's tough!

Thanks for your input. The sad part is that a part of me feels sorry for him because when I see him lose his mind I just think "my lord, I can't imagine being in this guys head." he must feel really screwed up most of the time to deal with everything in such a way. Then it goes to feeling bad for myself for dealing with such a jerk then I switch to mentally removing myself from it all by keeping busy with other things then he snaps again and is a pattern all over again. I see what you are going through with the car thing. Go through that stuff all the time. Just remember. They do something nice for you then will throw it in your face and guilt you all over it. At least your ex has a new victim to take some of the pressure off of you I hope. Good luck to her.

Wow, i can totally relate to your story. My childs father is BPD and I go thru the same cycle wit him sayn vicious things to me then act as if nothing happened. Calls me back to back sometimes. And what makes it so bad after we split a yr ago he rebounded wit someone else and continues to persue me saying things like he want me to have his son and ordered me a credit card. My car broke down n he let me use his and I've had it for two mths. I recently started a relationship and scared of how hes going to react. Dealing with someone with BPD can be an emotional rollercoaster even when your no longer involved.