Planning The Road Ahead

I appreciate every life experience that I have read here so far and am thankful to find you all. 2 years ago I met a man from Brazil who attracted me due to his dedication to his family, hard work ethic, and intense sweetness. He was wonderful to my kids and was a respected coach for martial arts for kids. We moved in and I became pregnant with twins.
Things started to unravel. He became so jealous and paranoid of my ex and friends. I was made to delete posts and friends on Facebook not to mention explain why it was better for my kids to have parents who got along after their divorce for the sake of the kids. He followed me to my ex' s to watch my interactions and accused me of being too friendly. He hacked my phone and email. I never had anything to hide.
He was cruel to my kids often punishing them harshly and telling me I didn't raise them right. I feel guilty because I tried working with him and my kids suffered. they're so naive and tried so hard to please him. over time they started to rebel. he demanded respect but didn't see that he was the disrespectful one.
His moods were fluctuating often and I felt drained but was hopeful. I had twins at 32 weeks. I remember the drive home from the hospital. The babies stayed in the NICU and I was devastated, but here he was yelling at me that I wasn't disciplining my son enough. I was crying hysterically and he could care less.
Things got worse when the twins returned home. He barely slept and when it was his turn to get up with the babies he would lie and say he was up with them for hours leaving me to get up and sacrifice rest I needed to keep my milk supply. I worked full time, a part time job, to support us so he could work part-time and work toward making it as a pro fighter. He always complained that I made more money.
Tragedy struck when one of the twins had a seizure. We raced him to the hospital and were horrified to hear that a consulting doctor felt our son was shaken purposefully. Our sons were taken from us despite the fact we took polygraph tests and passed. In family court you are guilty no matter what.
Luckily my cousin cared for the boys for 9 months before they came home. We have done everything to get them back. The entire time my husband became more irritable and Moody, even bullying me.
He went to a psychiatrist but knows .exactly what to say. He took medication briefly and then quit. money started disappearing and he would lie. He used pot and lied about using it even when I smelled it on him and his eyes were almost shut. His lies made me feel crazy!
I am pregnant with twins again. I don't know how to leave. 6 kids 4 his and how will I afford a home, daycare, bills, and essentials on my own? I had pre eclampsia at 32 weeks last twin pregnancy and I' m afraid it will happen again, especially with this much stress. I have my cousin and aunts, but my mom is sick herself with bpd. I feel so stuck and Don' t know what to do anymore.
newjob40 newjob40
36-40
1 Response Jan 10, 2013

*prayers and hugs*