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Worn Out

I'm almost too tired to even begin my story, but the real hurt is after 17 years of marriage, 3 children later, I have no husband-- just an overgrown, uninvolved extra bad 'kid' in my house. I hurt losing what I thought I used to have as a man, husband, & father. He even has his own "room". He eats, goes to his room, watches TV, goes to sleep, while I carry on...w/ 3 busy kids, homework, housework, everything. If I dare say anything, I'm "picking a fight". I once (when I was obviously young & VERY unaware), thought I was the center of his universe.... Now I'm the mother he hates. Too many other details, too tired to keep this up.
Jodimommie3 Jodimommie3 46-50, F 7 Responses Jan 30, 2013

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It's heartbreaking to wake up and realize one day that the man who was supposed to be your partner in life is really only an over-grown child you have to continuously reassure and take care of.... :(

Same here. 24 years, three kids. He was always present in the house, if not at work, he was at home with his computer, games, gambling but completely emotionally absent. If I wanted to talk about it, he said it was a fight. He would rage, yelled at me that I was a golddigger, ripped things apart and make holes in the walls, over the years said that I was sick crazy. If my kids complained, they were throwing a fit and only wanted attention. He only wanted sex and someone to cook, clean and do his laundry. Wanted sex all the time, he would grab me and rub himself on me. It looked like a 50 year old man with a teen perverted mentality. He would asked a few times if I would leave him if he lost all our money as a result of his gambling. I left him once before; he got very desperate; he called my friends and relatives and made empty promises. He got violent with my youngest child so I left him for good. He has been very vindinctivity since then especially when I attempted to reconcile and get him to counseling in a last ditch effort to save a family but he had already found someone else, and now ignores his kids completely. Did I mentioned that he diagnosed me with every mental disorder possible whenever I could not handle it or attempt to implore him to change? Towards the end I would jumped with fear if he approached me from behind or unexpectedly. I tried to talk to his family who told me, they "should have warned" me; they said he has always been a jerk. During our marriage, there were problems with his jobs and loosing his friends which he somehow managed to blame me. The last couple of years I was desperate and just as vicious as he was. I hated my self for this. He was right in one respect, my 3 kids and I are being treated for PTSD.

Same here. 24 years, three kids. He was always present in the house, if not at work, he was at home with his computer, games, gambling but completely emotionally absent. If I wanted to talk about it, he said it was a fight. He would rage, yelled at me that I was a golddigger, ripped things apart and make holes in the walls, over the years said that I was sick crazy. If my kids complained, they were throwing a fit and only wanted attention. He only wanted sex and someone to cook, clean and do his laundry. Wanted sex all the time, he would grab me and rub himself on me. It looked like a 50 year old man with a teen perverted mentality. He would asked a few times if I would leave him if he lost all our money as a result of his gambling. I left him once before; he got very desperate; he called my friends and relatives and made empty promises. He got violent with my youngest child so I left him for good. He has been very vindinctivity since then especially when I attempted to reconcile and get him to counseling in a last ditch effort to save a family but he had already found someone else, and now ignores his kids completely. Did I mentioned that he diagnosed me with every mental disorder possible whenever I could not handle it or attempt to implore him to change? Towards the end I would jumped with fear if he approached me from behind or unexpectedly. I tried to talk to his family who told me, they "should have warned" me; they said he has always been a jerk. During our marriage, there were problems with his jobs and loosing his friends which he somehow managed to blame me. The last couple of years I was desperate and just as vicious as he was. I hated my self for this. He was right in one respect, my 3 kids and I are being treated for PTSD.

to boundries101:
My BPD husband is crying to come home too, saying I need to give him another chance and he's changing. i feel bad, but it's risky. What do you think?

So risky! Run like hell!!!! Oh I hope you didn't go back. If you did, you don't need to respond to this; I'm sure you had just another repeat of the same. Sending strength to you.

*hugs* I have just recently become "aware"

I completely understand your frustration, I too had an uninvolved, unhappy husband who only came down from his room or patio to eat. He spent his time in his room playing video games and meeting other women on Facebook. I was at the end of my rope trying to maintain my home, 2 children, homework and activities and a new business. I couldn't make a decision about the marriage and had no idea what to do. So I found a therapist who specialized in marriage counseling. I told my story and told him I wanted an honest answer as to why I couldn't leave the marriage. I felt I had to make the right decision for the sake of my kids and the family. I wanted an intact family. But I told him about the anger, rages, demeaning comments and blame, the depression and frustration, the irrational behavior that I didn't understand. He told me honestly that I was in denial. He told me to take all of my experiences and to look at them at face value. No reading between the lines, justifying or making excuses. Just at face value. And then he said, decide if this is how you want to live the rest of your life. I came home and told my husband and he said it was good advice. That I needed to do just that. And so I filed for divorce and while I still miss him sometimes, my life has become much more stable and consistent. My relationship with my children is strong and even and I am no longer angry that I have to do it all by myself. I am fine with raising my children as long as I don't have to raise a 42 year old man as well. But he still calls crying that he wants to come home. That I didn't take my vows seriously. That I'm not giving him a second chance that he believes he deserves. That I never loved him and only wanted his paycheck (LOL). That he has completely changed and that I will not accept responsibility for my part. Etc, Etc. It is hard when you must maintain contact with your ex BPD because of the children. But the strength returns and normalcy becomes easier without the BP in the home. I wish you luck as you make your own decisions and move forward in life. But your strength will return in time.

Glad you came here. Hang in there. There are people who never got to have kids, so try to look on the bright side. You've got 3 who hopefully know you're a great mom. I am leaving my BPD husband but I am trying not to get too upset. I have 2 kids and I know i am lucky. It's hard when you just get exhausted from dealing with all of it. Sometimes they don't change or see the trouble they cause until their loved one leaves them. Sometimes not even then.