I'm Finally Getting Out....

I just wanted to thank everyone for their stories. I'm SO happy to report that I'm getting out. I was with my husband for four years total and married to him for a year and a half. He would always say horrible things to me like, "Do you want to be 32 and divorced twice?" and I started realizing, "Or I could be living like this for the REST OF MY LIFE." If you are married to a man with BPD, PLEASE go to a therapist. I could not have done this without therapy.

 

I'm still staying at a friend's house while I wait for him to get the rest of his things out of my house (It was mine before we started dating). He has been fake-nice-manipulative during this break up, followed by mean and abusive when he didn't get his way. One of the things he said was, "Fine, I'm going to start dating twenty year-olds because they won't KNOW I'm abusive."

Yesterday he text messaged me that one of his friends couldn't stop crying about our divorce. He still texts me things like, "Why are you so angry with me?" And part of me is sad and hurt, but this is the happiest I've ever been in a LONG TIME because I have my life back. Even though I'm still at a friend's house and not moving back to my house until I have the locks changed, I'm more in control of my life than ever. I control when I wake up, when I go to bed, what I eat, when I eat... These were all things that I couldn't do when I was married to someone with BPD.



Like I said, my divorce isn't final, and I'm not living in my own home yet, but I wanted to let everyone know, THERE IS HOPE. Please get out of this type of damaging relationship as soon as you can. You're only wasting your time thinking someone with this pathology is going to change. Live your own life and BE HAPPY.

Rebekah32 Rebekah32
31-35
4 Responses Mar 1, 2010

Wow! I'm so glad I visited this page. Your story is the exact same as mine! I am currently married to my BPD HUSBAND of 11 months, but was in a relationship with him 5 years prior to it. I can't begin to explain the roller coaster I've been on since meeting him day 1!! Initially early on in our relationship he swept me off my feet. Treated me like a queen. Gifted me expensive jewelry.. Perfumes in dozens at a time... Takin me on shopping sprees.. All of it. Then gradually as our relation matured he became more n more impulsive aggressive angry jealous manipulative... And I spent my days in depression and confusion wondering why this man was treating me so bad for things I hadn't done or said. He would misunderstand everything I said.. And then blame me and call me abusive names if I didn't do something 'right',!! Nothing I ever did was good enough for him, in his eyes I was just a 'dumb' person who didn't care for him(apparently). I changed me whole life for him. Adapting to his needs likes n wants. And still nothing was ever right for him. I could not eat when I wanted... Bcoz attending to his demands was more important... His food... How he liked it perfect... He would just sit there and demand for things, and if I didn't do it right ther or then- I would get abuse . We had endless fights about the most silliest things. I would spend days wondering what I had done that was MY fault. This continued for years.. But beneath it all I just couldn't bring myself to let go. I was convinced my life was better with him than w/out. I Know tht sounds crazy now.

However, the times I did have the courage to try and walk away, he manipulated me emotionally blackmailed me back in his life. This just went on in a cycle. I caught him endless amounts of times with flirting and havin affairs with other women. He would never admit to it even when I had solid proof.
I do not know why I stayed with this man. He offered me nothing. I somehow ended up marrying him this year new years day. It's been 11 months now and not a single day wher we didn't fight.
I have only just managed to finally walk free.. After I simply could not take it any more. It's been 2 weeks now and we have not made any contact whatsoever. I'm back with my family, and although I am still so confused about wher my life is going now, I can honestly say I feel more 'free' now than I ever did whilst being around him. I don't have to walk on eggshells anymore.
My family and friends respect n value me which he did not, ever. I no longer have to live like his doormat. On his conditions. I could probably write so much more on my experience with him but I would run out of space I think :-/

I just got so fed up of his extreme black n white behavior.. One minute I was all he wanted.. Next I was the worst thing to have possibly happnd to him. From extreme live to extreme hate.
I never understood why he behaved this way and I always penciled it down to the fact that he was perhaps just a mean harsh insensitive and heartless human being.
Until I left and read up online after coming back to my parents home tht he could be BPD.

I'm still all new to this and trying to learn more about these personality disorders. Can some one out there advice me to give up and stay at my parents home, OR go back to my husband and somehow learn to adapt myself around him now tht I am aware of his condition?? I am so confuse.

I just wanted to update everyone that it's been three years now, and I'm in a safe, happy relationship! I have a two-year-old son, and looking back and reading this, it's hard to believe that this was my life! I just came to this page because I got an email alert that someone responded to the story. Good luck to all of you!

Good for you girl :-)

i'm so happy for you...i'm sense that there are still safety issues surrounding your breakup and i'm still afraid to take that step but reading this makes me feel a little more willing to step into the light...i owe it to me, my daughter and even my hubby, who is like a baby when he's all tender and sh*t and not long after he's sitting on my chest telling me how he's gonna 'break' me. **** that! Oops...sorry. I'm such an idiot and admire women who did what you are doing now. Soon it's gonna be me. We about the same age too. Good luck with everything!!!