My Wife = Idiot

OK - This seems harsh but I have to share my story or I going to go off the deep end. I have been with my partner for over 10 years and I have always been annoyed with lack of intelligence but I tolerated it as part of the overall person.  Meaning, other areas offset the lack of intelligence enough to maintain the relationship. However, we now have two children under the age of two and I am exhausted from the additional effort needed to maintain the household.   I could write an entire book on the wondrous experiences marrying an idiot affords you, but todays 'idiot' move has motivated me to find this website for help.  My wife took the children to run some errands in our black SUV.  Years ago I had to establish a mandatory stipulation to leaving the house.  The basic guidance is "please bring a sweater every time".  I can't tell you how many movies/dinners/events have been ruined because my wife was cold.  She still struggles with the concept and each and every time I have to remind her.  Today, I am sure she enjoyed the 78 degree weather and felt like she was at the spa when the car hit 85-90 inside.  Now I have tried to explain, babies can not regulate heat the same way an adult can so please be careful when temperatures hit the extremes.  Also, direct sunlight through a car window is very bad for babies and can cause skin damage and overheating.  Well, when she came by my office for a visit I was curious why my daughter was sweating, hot to the touch and begging for water.  When I questioned why, my wife replied, "She just saw her cousin".  Hmmmmm, why is her baby brother beat red and feels like like he has been placed in a micro-wave oven.  Her reply, "I think he has a rash".   It's funny when we go on a trip and I can tell her a snow capped mountain is really the "Great Salt Mountains of Utah" and we are flying to Southern CA.  Then I explain I am teasing and on the return flight she falls for it again. This one isn't funny because of the serious risk of injury, but I feel helpless and afraid for my children.  

Thanks for listening.


Kubs Kubs
18 Responses Apr 6, 2009

Hello Kubs,

I think I may be in your situation in five to six years. I am looking at marrying this wonderful young lady (<30). She truly has a heart of gold and is a joy to be around. However, I can envision having to put the same type of rules/structure on going out as you do (from the sweater example - and many like it).
Like your situation, I fear for the time when we have children. My fear originates from my fundamental lack of confidence in her decision making ability. She lives in a world that is mostly flowers and happiness. I worry that I will become exhausted from the additional effort it will take to make sure everything is in order. Since she lives in her own world, she has been taken advantage of by some people. I have pointed out several areas where people are taking advantage of her. After I point this out, she understand my reasoning and agrees with me. Then she makes the decision to move forward with the situation. While I am ok with her making a choice to be taken advantage of. I am not ok with her lack of awareness to understand what was happening in the first place.

It's like I am entering into a parent/child relationship instead of entering into a husband/wife role.

When I think about her situation, I think she was not taught critical thinking as a child.

1. Is it possible to teach critical thinking? Have you tried to rehabilitate your wife to increase her awareness?
2. Should we proceed with marriage? Sometimes I think she would be better off with a guy that is a little more clueless. That way, they can live in their own happy worlds without disruption of reality. (Until injury happens).

Is your wife Filipino? I have the same problem. My wife thought that Abraham Lincoln Vampire Slayer was non-fiction. I am always afraid of her saying something above average stupid. We don't have children, thank god. Good too know I am not alone.

I feel your pain man. I married my college sweetheart and did not know how sheltered and blissfully lazy and ignorant she was until years later. For any women out there reading these stories, please leave the comments to yourself. You are just making it easier for us men to reinforce our stereotypes of you.

It sounds like the only real idiot in this situation is you. Just saying.

Yes, I don't go with the spouse anywhere most of the time because we argue about the A/C in the car, the radio station (we keep it off because we don't like each others' music) she complains about my driving now she complains that she is the one that has to drive (because I don't drive her minivan)(our only car)..

She is so grouchy that I just stay in my room 95% of the time. (and I've told her not to come to my room except for two reasons: to tell me something about the kids or for lovemaking)(and that she can talk to me about cutting the grass or something else only after lovemaking)

(I did stop working when she decided all by herself on what to do with the $100,000.00 from selling her condo .. I said to myself: "Okay Papi/spouse, you spent the money without considering my opinion so now I will put you to work since you are so disrespectful.")

PLUS, I also stay home to protect the boy. At age 4 she pulled him by the ear! At age 5 she pulled him by the hair. So I'm home to protect the boy all day and night.
(I won't divorce because women usually win custody of the kids)

She gets $500.00 in food stamps now and 4 years ago she would not buy me a can of peanuts ( for my mom to take on the plane) the time I went to Walmart with her (before I stopped going anywhere with her)


Dear Kubs,
You are a working man.. perhaps you can give your spouse a gift for being thoughtful & caring about the kids. Catch your spouse being good, and thank her for it. (Maybe then she will start paying attention to how hot the kids are) Maybe you could buy popsicles and a mini fridge to keep in the suv. Tint the windows. Buy the kids some air conditioned clothes from Japan (the jacket and pants exist)..

Also, maybe you can get some other woman to hang out with your spouse & kids.


I've met one mom that let's her 2 year old eat **** roaches ( She doesn't clean, and the boy grabs the tiny ones from the floor)..
(I had already called the cops to report the mom hitting the older child on the head for getting every single math problem wrong.. in front of me she did it when I was helping that boy with his homework.. and DCF said that "Corporal punishment is not illegal in Florida," so now I just stay away from "our" relatives)

I met one dad with a winter coat on and his son in a t-shirt !
(That family divorced.. the husband appeared to be a narcissist)

I saw one couple with shoes on and their 3 kids without shoes at the Goodwill store. I wanted to call the cops, but didn't have a phone and they left. (Plus my spouse told me to mind my own business)

Some parents are just horrible parents.

It is superficial entitled bullshit like this that makes me happy to be single.

why don't you just talk to your wife about it...may be she will get the point...

What was it that made us marry these idiots? I think it's because you like myself are a very optimistic person and hope that one day your wife will start to act like the rest of the world does, with respect and logic. We have 3 small children and I feel like a failure because I am soon to leave her and my children will be living in 2 separate houses for the rest of there lives

We all have a cross to bear. I hope that you will live at least close enough to keep seeing your kids as daily as possible. Children really do need dads. (I've been baker acted twice ..once I kicked a bedroom door that the kids were slamming &amp; the other time the spouse lied.. now I stay in my room 95% of the time and I've got a few years to stay here ..until my boy is big &amp; strong enough to block the spouse's hair pulling, or Gma's belt)

you are not alone buddy. there are plenty of guys in your predicament

I am having a hard time feeling sorry for you when reading your post I feel like pulling out a red pen and going to town on your grammar and punctuation. How can you insult someone else's intelligence while simultaneously possessing the writing skills of a ninth-grader? I understand your frustration with the scenario you described; however the title of your post says more negative about you as a person than does the story about your wife. Spend some time working on yourself.

Wow. This must be a woman. The only thing you got out of what he wrote was that he doesn't have proper spelling? Get a life. Your probably the idiot wife's sister.

Nobody is perfect. People have different talents. I'm pretty good at helping kids with elementary math and lousy at getting along with grown-ups that tell lies, or drink beer at work.
Everybody that is at this website is in pain. Let's overlook spelling etc. and write something helpful.
Google: "my husband is an idiot" and you'll also find women that are in pain ..thanks to their husbands behavior.
My spouse for instance says that her arthritis at 40 is all thanks to living with me. I tell her that she has arthritis because she is grouchy most of the time. Even a doctor (that since refused to see us again) said that: "stress can have harmful effects on the body."
(Then spouse complained that she lost her doctor all thanks to my only visit with that doctor... even though it was my spouse that told me to go see "her" doctor:)

Oh well, I just help the spouse to take of her blouse and bra when her shoulders lock up.

*My spouse has a tough life and sickness because she is a dictator and grouchy person.

I can relate to a lot of what u say my spouse also is arthritic although he works very hard in a shop...he is 65 yrss old as well. Sometimes I feel unappreciated n just a personal assistant...he complains n is grumpy too.
We never go anywhere he likes to be home being tired n hurting. It can suzck but I hope for the best....

I really do not know what to say except hang in there and maybe she will wake up

They just did a study, and the results showed that woman have on average higher IQ points then men. Maybe so, but I'm not seeing it any where in my circles. My wife, and all of her sisters, and her mother, have the attention span of a Nat. Maybe less, because a Nat knows how to function well on it's own, without having to be told how to do it over, and over again. My wife and I can have a conversation about what we can do to make our relationship better, and we'll agree on the compromise. A day or two later either she doesn't remember the agreement, or for some reason she finds that she doesn't like it, or can't do it. She has no discipline, common sense, or ability to reason. I love her, but I don't like her. Why did I marry her? Because I'm an *** who fell for a hot look. I know what you're going through, and I feel for you, but we now have to pay the price for stupidity. Good luck my friend. Good luck.

It's gnat... Not Nat.

And women, not woman.

My wife is a ******* idiot! She loves to load the dishwasher, but not run so the kids and myself can eat of dirty soapy dishes. This idiot also left a bottle of Clorox bleach uncapped for 2 days not more then 15 feet from where we exercise and where my 10 year old sleeps. F'in idiot and even after I ask her to never load the dishwasher unless she's going to run it, she still does it.

At least she loads it... My husband doesn't understand the concept of dishes.

Can you possibly donate the dishwasher?

Over here the spouse buys paper plates.


I had to get my own refrigerator and sink in order to NOT see all the junk food that the spouse buys. (Plus their kitchen is messy to the point that somebody could trip over something)

... My son listens to me.. thank God. "A Champion doesn't eat junk food," he says)

My son is the reason that I stay in this house. Gosh he gives me so much love and respect just about every day.

How funny that I would stumble upon this post when I have the exact same frustrations with my wife. Had a similar experience just today! Wow, I'm not alone in the world. Best of luck to you. To us!

My wife can nbot understand listening!

mmmm so what eactly did u see in her....oh let me quess she had a realy hot arse


Well that goes beyond idiocy is downright dangerous. What if she goes out of the car for a moment leaving you daughter and forget she is inside. There have been cases here were I live and most of them end in tragedy. That is not being idiot is being irresponsible.

Absurdity always has a humor element to it. This story just has a little larger element of it. It is so hard dealing with people that have a natural tendency for this kind of thing. They are usually cute, cuddly, and truly mean well. I have found that I have to limit my interaction with them. Obviously, not a choice here. Good Luck

?? i want to laugh but am nervous for your children so i won't.<br />
i do not mean to offend but what could possibly offset a lack of intelligence large enough to put others in danger?<br />
i'm sure she is a really nice person but...::sighs::<br />
good luck kubs if you ever need someone to talk to i'm around :o)<br />