Wife Is Bipolar And Borderline Personality Disorder...still Stand By My Vows.

Contrary to what we have been through and what many have said, I'm still committed and love my wife. Throughout our 20 year marriage there has always been something unusual in my wife's behavior. Odd and just down right hateful to say the least, however I have always been there in support not knowing what the root cause was. From the beginning she was depressed but very head strong in going after what she wanted in life. Finally after 10 years into our marriage she decided to look into what i described as unusual behavior and see a psychiatrist. Diagnosis: depression. Ok, but Prozac just wasn't cutting it. Well years passed and it was obvious that there was more to it than what Prozac could address.

Two years ago, it all came to a head, this is where it gets REALLY bad (there's much more but these are the highlights)! June 08 she had a break down, the drinking and rage got out of control. I packed up my two sons and left...just for a short while. She freaked and filed for divorce as a form of retaliation (two days after my oldest son graduated high school)! We discuss and she admitted she didn't want to divorce and we reconciled. A few months passed and she had yet another break down...actually two, combined with a suicide attempt and was admitted into a mental hospital both times. She was finally diagnosed with both Bipolar and Borderline. I moved my youngest son out to live with my sister for a few months to let things settle. Things seem to be going in the right direction with the new meds...not so! She had yet one more event and became physical with me and I was sent to jail..go figure. I lost my job of 15 years as a result. At this point i had, had it and gave her the ultimatum that we needed to spend time apart for a while or i would grant her the divorce. I moved into an apartment for 6 months. She finally got on the right mix and regiment of medication, it seemed to work this time. After 6 months we regrouped and discussed our plan, we agreed that the time apart was what we needed to focus on ourselves and our family. We are back together and doing much, much better. Its been over a year and we realized what we once and still have, too much to risk losing. Both of our sons have a better understanding why their mom was so mad,and depressed. Counseling has also help them with the side effects as a result.

The moral of the story is that i had an obligation when i took my vows of matrimony. Sure life has been a living hell but she needed me and not many others would have tolerated her disease, not to mention the welfare of our two children. I have learned a lot about Bipolar and Borderline in terms of its buttons, levels of tolerance and boundaries. Sure i still walk on eggshells for time to time, but i understand its the disease not the person. I know at some point i will be rewarded, if not in this life, in heaven. The only thing that really bothers me is that my family (sisters) don't understand and have said they will never forgive her...this is sad and it hurts but i understand to a degree.

If you or someone you love is suffering, just remember its the disease and it can be controlled. Ive spent 20 years of my life (im 44 now) and feel that our relationship was destined. Stay strong, you will be rewarded!
drewtexas drewtexas
41-45, M
6 Responses Jul 26, 2010

Men like you are few and far between. I am a Bipolar wife. I know the struggles my husband goes through as well as what I go through. I am stabalized for now and have been for 4 years. My husband, like you, stuck by his wife and his vows. Thank God for him. People think Bipolar people are crazy. We are not crazy. We just understand things differently. If a Bipolar person is open to treatment, he or she can eventually with hope live a semi normal life. What makes it harder is having NO ONE be there for you. A Bipolar person has to have somebody to love and to love them in return. when we feel our owest, it's that love that keeps us strong and stops us from feeling truely alone in this world. It is the disease and not the person...but the disease can ruin the person if that person truely has no one. You are a wonderful man for standing by your wife. Even though times get hard with the disorder, at least you can say your life wasn't boring. Life is everything BUT boring with us Bipolar people. =)<br />
<br />
This Manic Moment <br />
By: Marisa <br />
This manic moment of mine<br />
Seems to end all of time<br />
As I swift and I sway<br />
Mesmerized by this day<br />
A bright high makes me restless <br />
The deep dungeon holds me breathless<br />
But then he brings me home<br />
He is my everlasting stone<br />
The other half of my soul<br />
This man makes me whole<br />
It’s his warm loving touch<br />
That makes Bipolar not so much<br />
I can handle my mind<br />
With his love I do find<br />
When I’m deep within sorrow<br />
I know he’ll be there tomorrow

Your story is very like my own. It took 11 years for my wife to be diagnosed and now she has been hospitalized three times. And like you, some of my family didn't understand. They judged my wife morally for what is a medical condition. <br />
<br />
I understand and respect your determination to honor your vows.

way to go,i too live with a woman like this,i never realized til recently she is bipolar and bordeline.she was taking meds and doing well and stopped because she knew better.now its hell again.she is imaging things and accusing me of crazy stuff.she argues about evrything and is violent.her shrink gives her xanax and thats all.he wont talk to me.<br />
i may have to committ her.i love her and took my vows seriously<br />
29yrs.we were seperated once for 3 yrs and she really went crazy.walking around like a 3 dollar hooker and having sex with many men.<br />
it was hell,i too was locked up.the more i learn the more i feel sorry for her.<br />
be strong our reward is in the afterlife......i hope.

Good to know there are some semi happy endings out there. My wife is medicated and knows she doesn't like the way she feels but has given up on trying to feel better. She is content to just take her meds and live like a zombie..

Great, stay strong. Have you been though the cycle of denial, of getting treated and then her rejecting the treatment? 20 years of marriage and I've had about all I can stand. How do you treat someone who refuses to be treated?

3 cheers to you for staying strong. Cheers!