Being Bipolar Ruins Everything But It Doesn't Have To If People Would UnderstandI have been married 4 times! Each husband knew I was bipolar and said oh sure I know what that is, I understand while we were dating. When we got married and I would get manic they DIDN'T understand. They didn't bother to understand my need to spend money and be out of the house with other people. When I got depressed they DIDN'T understand that either. I was blamed for everything and divorced. All of my husbands' were smart men. They quit their jobs and got an attorney so I was the one left "holding" the bag - I had to pay them! My fianances are a mess, I have no children and no friends. I live in a retirement community because husband #4 is 64 yrs old. His ex-wife #3 calls me crazy and does not let him see his daughter who lives in another state, even though this woman has a child who is 17 now and has asbergers.
I guess the worst part of being bipolar is that people constantly call you crazy and love to gossip about you. People were I live say I act weird but I don't. I have a high IQ and got a nursing degree with honors. They don't see that part though because I cannot work due to the rapid cycling of my disease.
I am tired of apologizing for who I am. My own family wants nothing to do with me. My sister is ashamed of me, yet she has a 17 yr old daughter who is also bipolar, as well as her husband. Of all people I would have thought she would understand and be beside me - but no.
There are many days when I feel like life is not worth it. I have had two cousins die by suicide and many more who also have bipolar. I am religious and believe God put me here for a purpose. I have tried suicide many times but I am still here, so I guess God has something more important in store for me, even if it is a life alone in my golden years. I truly believe HE is the only one who can bring a life and take one as well.
I guess my biggest complaint is that once someone finds out that you are bipolar, you are no longer a "person". You are crazy. People are offended by the word "retarded", well did they ever stop and think that we hate being called crazy.
On a good day I can accomplish more than most people. If things are bad, they are really bad and nothing gets done. People come to my home and look at me funny because my home doesn't look like it stepped out of a page in a magazine. I don't work so they expect my home to be perfect. I married a slob and just cannot deal with putting his stuff away. I have to take care of myself. Don't get me wrong - my home is clean! It just has clutter (magazines, mail, coats, etc laying around). I just say to them this is not 1950 and I'm not June Cleaver. I get done what I can.
This is a disease I would not wish on anyone. It robs you of being social, it robs you of your finances, it destroys everything in its path sooner or later.
If all of us who have this disease would only stand up and say I am a person, a highly intelligent person. I have disease that is ba
We need to get the media involved more so that the shame and disgrace is no longer there. Many of us try to work and make a living but find we cannot. Some of us are lucky we can work a little. People need to realize we do not choose to stay home. Believe me I would rather be doing something, anything to be social but that is not possible for me.
I will never again apologize for who I am. I am somebody, somebody who matters. So does everyone else with this dreaded disease. There is no shame from me personally.
gigi1982 46-50 3 Responses 2 Dec 7, 2010