Just Hanging On
The post by iluvu was absolutely right about the part that you have to remember and love the true person they are inside. I did not know about my husband's illness when we married and I ended up diagnosing him (depression) and getting help a couple of years into our marriage. The bipolar diagnosis is recent after finally recognizing the pattern of severe swings. Come to find out he did have strong ups and downs, mostly downs, before we met. Too bad I didn't know. It is a hard life but I have held on for 16 years knowing there is a sweet, funny, smart, friendly person inside and waiting for him to be "himself" longer than 1 or 2 days at a time. After 16 years I am feeling very weary and unsure of how much longer I can hold on. The hardest part is that I feel like I can't be honest with him about how I feel most times (have to bite my tongue) because I don't want to send him into a downward spiral again. That is really stressful. I hope some new medicine will help us turn the corner to some more stable normal times together. I am feeling like it is really hard to plan for the future with our relationship as it is now. Thanks for reading. Any wise advice and understanding would be appreciated.