I Really Don't Know What To Do......

When i was in high school i dated this guy for 3 years. we were in love. when i graduated, my mom (parents divorced)sent me to live up north with my aunt to seperate us and so we wouldn't "sneak of and get married." hindsight  he was so handsome, we had unbelievable sex but he didn't have a future...dropped out of school etc.  that was the last time i ever saw  him again. All throughout college, i was always hooking up with someone who reminded me of him to try and recreated the most incredible relationship i have ever had with a man.....even now. You see, now i've been married to a man for 18 years and i only knew  him for 6 months before we got married. why?when i finished college, i wanted to just be with a man who was safe and could take care of me and who would always be there for me and start my own family. so, i married a man 20 years older than me who persued me fiercely! He is in no way attractive but He said he was an "building engineer".  Turned out ....a glorified maintanance worker of skyscrappers. 

Now i have a 17, 15 and 11 year old who are the only reason i am still in this marriage. throught our marraige, i always thought something was not right with him. he never hit me or the kids but he would go into these rages even in public and then when confronted he would say"i never did that." he would make wierd, immature decisions about important matters in our life, couldnt keep a job, and the list goes on....anyway i realized he wasn,t so safe,and he couldn't take care of me and he couldn't be there for me because of some injury to his brain he got in the vietnam war. i wasn't even aware of until 2006 when the VA said he had PTSD . My husband and I really have nothing in common. I have been crying most of my years with him.and i know..his condition is not his fault...i am a christian now...but i feel trapped because of obligation to keep a family intact and because i dont want to sin by divorcing him(he has not committed adultary ....the only biblical reason) and i dont want to hurt him by 'punishing' him for something that is not his fault. i see couples who seem to enjoy each other and even if they dont they have a chance to re-connect if they wanted to. i dont have that option. i can't enjoy my marraige even if i wanted to because he cannot even process information well enough to have a meaning conversation...we can't connect emotionally so i dont connect physically with him. no sex in 5 years and i don't miss it...its no turn on...we sleep in different rooms.I have to remind him about hygiene. he shuffles when he walks and he is only 60!  So, i guess to compensate i spend alotof time with my kids(because he can't), friends, work and take care of him like a friendor brother because he forgets and he doesnt make logical decisions. Can anyone give me some good advice?

acharley49 acharley49
41-45, F
3 Responses Mar 14, 2010

"we can't connect emotionally so i dont connect physically with him. no sex in 5 years and i don't miss it...its no turn on...we sleep in different rooms"<br />
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Goodness here we go again...a women's response to a troubled marriage is no sex. I'm sure that will go really far toward fixing things

20 years older, Wow! The sickness and physical ailments are to be expected for a 60 year old but i can understand your theory of not wanting to get a divorce and sinning. I'm in the same boat, because i have no real facts that my husband has cheated but I want out so badly until I have just emotionally separated myself from him.

God bless you. Your kids are old enough now. I'd be leaving. Having said that I'm in the same boat. Married to the wrong woman and only staying for my daughter. She's 4 years old. I'm going to write my story one of these days.