Married Right Out Of College

I married my husband at 22, I'm now going on 28. I knew we were young, but at the time being with him was all I wanted in the world. Even though my parents married young and got divorced, I felt I knew how to make it work. I knew we would both change, and that our success depended on allowing each other to change and remain accepting of one another. It has always been crucial to me that I remain my own person and feel I can take care of myself, I never needed him for happiness, just wanted to be with him. Looking back, he did depend on me for happiness and self worth, I was too young to know the problems this would cause down the road.

I still love him as much as ever, but I see how much I have grown and matured. I don't feel he has. He has still not learned to truly love himself and that is something he must learn on his own. His dependency on weed is only growing, no matter what I do to fight it. He can't be alone without being some kind of self destructive. Even when he is with me now, I am not enough anymore, I knew that wouldn't last forever. I feel sorry for him sometimes, he seems to flounder and struggle. He protects himself by lashing out at me, he always makes me the bad guy. Sometimes I feel like I am dealing with a child with no self awareness and no self control. Reluctantly, he finally started therapy to deal with some issues that should have been addressed in childhood, and I am so thankful. It seems to be helping him a little.

I guess I sometimes regret marrying him before he worked some stuff out. I feel so guilty, but sometimes I dream of being with a MAN who is strong and self assured. It even affects my attraction to my husband. He is so sweet, loves to cuddle, needs my constant attention and affection, but these things are becoming a turn off. I almost see him as little boy crying for attention. But as I said in the beginning, I know I have to allow him to be who he is and always be accepting, I just didn't know how hard this would be.
expressyoself expressyoself
26-30, F
1 Response Jul 16, 2010

If you don't have children, you might consider dumping this guy.