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Out Of Control!

I don’t know what is wrong with me. I believe I’m bipolar (haven’t gone to the doctor yet to confirm but I’m pretty sure I am) and the littlest things will set off my moods. I alternate between sad, angry, and just there all the time; occasionally I have an EXTREME happy that scares everyone.

I could be talking with my mom and she could say something along the lines of “your stupid” and mean it jokingly and I could over think it and completely crash mood-wise; I could over think it (usually do) and just wonder why I still live with my mother and wonder why I keep trying with school (if you want to know what I’m talking about still living with my mother read my story: Being Alone Was Once A Comfort...now It Scares The Hell Out Of Me...please Help…)…

I could be talking with someone (say my mom) and she could be nagging me on five different things I need to take care of and something just triggers an extreme fit of anger. In my head I’m yelling at my mother (or whoever it was that set me off) and am tempted to explode on her (have learned A LOT of self control living with my ***** of a mother) and severely hurt her.

My happy phases scare everyone that knows me. I’m a normally pessimistic and down person so when I have an extreme up (happens roughly once a week). I’m (dare I say) bubbly and giggly. It scares me!

When I’m just there, it’s like I don’t really feel anything. I’m just a statue.

I shift moods frequently, I don’t keep track of how many moods a day but some days are better than others. Some days I’m more…balanced than others.

Lately I’ve been shifting more through depression and anger than ever before I’m going to go to the doctor some time in February to get officially diagnosed whether or not I have bipolar disorder. Also I’m going to attempt to find non-medical treatment. If anyone knows ways I can manage my moods with out a form of medication as treatment, please tell me…I need to get this under control so I stop emotionally hurting the people I love.
yamihirugashi yamihirugashi 22-25, F Dec 30, 2010

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